


Say it with ferrets

by herumtreiber



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus, Ferrets, Fluff, Frottage, Humor, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-05
Updated: 2013-03-13
Packaged: 2017-11-06 23:23:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 30,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/424371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herumtreiber/pseuds/herumtreiber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The adventures of the Ferret and the pregnant Auror, brought to you courtesy of Google's autofill response on a Valentine's Day and three lj friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This part written for enchanted_jae 's monthly drabble challenge #64. 'We was told there'd be cake and strippers.' The rating and the tags will vary as the story unfolds.

  


  


_Ferret photo courtesy of **Harry** and **entropy12**_

 

Hermione sat on the couch in her apartment, typing on her laptop. She took a sip from the cup of tea that perched atop her latest copy of _‘Hogwarts a History.’_ She frowned at the screen as she called up the spreadsheet and the graphics program.

Ron came out of the dining room, holding up a chicken drumstick. “Still working, huh?”

“I’ve finished my own report, Ron. It’s just that the Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures asked for my help.”

Ron sat down beside Hermione. “What do they want now?”

“I mentioned how inefficiently they handled their Animagus registration files. Really, it’s a chore to look up registered Animagi. You know Harry sometimes--“

“Asks for your help?” Ron finished his drumstick and was about to put it on the table but changed his mind when Hermione glared at him. Instead he put it on the decorative ashtray shaped like a merman.

Ron smiled wryly. “I bet we still rely on you too much, Mione.”

Hermione huffed. “I’m glad to help, Ron. It’s just that Harry is an Auror now. He should be able to do these things.” She brushed aside a stray curl that kept getting into her eyes. “Malfoy is worse. He’s always complaining about how much time he spends researching files in his Unspeakable work.”

The witch looked up at Ron, noticing that a white, thin cable was dangling from his left ear. “You took my iPod again! Just be sure you don’t mess with it. Last time you erased my classical collection!”

Ron shrugged. “What can I say? Muggles have interesting music.”

“I find your taste a little disquieting, Ron.” Hermione snorted. “Lady Gaga?”

“Whatever flies my kite.”

“It’s _‘float my boat’_ Ron!”

Ron frowned in thought. “Wait, I thought you hated ships?”

Hermione lifted her arms, muttering exasperatedly, “You and Malfoy! Both of you should take muggle lessons.” She reached for her tea and took a sip. “By the way, I need your photograph as an Animagus.”

“But--“

“No exceptions, Ron. I understand you and Malfoy are a bit ashamed of being a weasel and a ferret Animagi, but this job I was telling you about?” Hermione pointed at the laptop. “The Ministry asked every Animagi in Britain for their photos in animal form, and I’m compiling a database, matching the photos with the wizards and witches. It’s very frustrating, believe me.”

Hermione muttered, “I sometimes wish I hadn’t ensured that house-elves learned to write.”

Ron smiled, leaning forward to kiss his wife. “They learned, Mione; though I admit it was a letdown when you tried to teach them to use those things.” Ron pointed to the computer on Hermione’s lap.

“Yes, their magic is too strong. It just destroys the microchips. But they can do some amazing things. With a wave of their hands they even outdo Photoshop. Pity they can’t spell correctly the words.”

Hermione snickered softly. “Remember that time when Malfoy’s father ate one of Fred and George’s latest creations?”

“Which one?”

“Transforming Toffees.”

Ron guffawed, remembering the photo. “It was funny. Harry told me Malfoy was turned into a Siberian tiger. He was alone in the Manor and found Harry’s laptop. Harry was on his honeymoon with Draco.”

“Lucius tried to send an email to Draco, but it was useless.” Hermione smirked, recalling Draco complaining that his father didn’t even know how to use the keyboard. “Narcissa caught the tiger looking intently at the computer. She laughed so much, but she had the presence of mind to take a snapshot. And then…”

Hermione put her hands on the laptop, smiling widely at the memory. “Blicky, one of the house-elves, saw the photo. They still haven’t forgiven Lucius, and with their new freedom they tend to be mischievous. I must say the elf captioned the photo very fittingly.”

“Hey, you got that, right?”

Hermione’s finger glided on the touchpad, opening the browser and navigating to the webpage where she secretly uploaded the image. “I have it here, look.”

The two laughed at the photo and the wicked caption made by Blicky.  
  


\--

 

\--

 

“I don’t know how to tell them, Draco.” Harry’s hand was poised above the doorknob to Hermione’s apartment.

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry, resting his chin on his shoulders. “They’ll understand. They did accept me into your life. Granger will probably start researching male pregnancies at once.”

The blond traced softly Harry’s right cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. “You can tell Granger while I tell Weasley.”

“Ron will be mad; he won’t understand! Remember when I told him about us getting married?” Harry looked at Draco, anguish clearly written on his face.

“Yeah. He was quite angry, but Weasley is more understanding now. He couldn’t stand me at first.” Draco scowled when Harry snorted. He touched the brunet’s chin. “That changed when he became an Animagus. There is a bond between…”

“I reckon you two got quite chummy since you’re both rodents!” Harry stepped away from Draco, glaring at him. “Since you get to change shape and all.”

Draco tried to mollify Harry. “Don’t begrudge me this, Harry. After all, you’re quite powerful, and when you speak Parseltongue you drive me wild.”

Harry narrowed his eyes, looking shiftily at his husband. “Do you know what I’d find exciting and hot?”

Draco leaned on the wall, unselfconsciously reclining in a sexy pose. “What?”

“If we made love… while you were a ferret. I love you in all your forms, Draco. But in your Animagus form you´re slick, graceful and… furry.”

The blond blushed and avoided Harry’s gaze. “I’m sorry, Harry. I can’t do it now. When I’m in my Animagus form I think… ferrety thoughts.”

Harry lifted his arms, saying angrily, “You won’t do this for me? For the father of your child?”

“Give me time, Harry.”

“See if I speak Parseltongue ever again!” Harry crossed his arms, his nerves all but forgotten while he glared at his husband.

The door opened and a redhead peeked in the corridor, smiling when he saw the two. “I heard someone bickering outside and I thought it must be you two. Come in!”

Harry walked into the living room, his hands tucked in the pockets of his trousers. “Can I talk to you alone, Mione?”

“Sure, Harry.” Hermione got up from the couch and put the laptop on the table. She smiled at Ron. “I’ve still some photos to catalog. Can you finish for me, Ron?”

“Yeah.”

\--

 

Hermione closed the door to the bedroom and pointed to the chair. “What do you want to talk about, Harry’”

The brunet plopped down, biting his lip nervously. He decided to take the plunge. “I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’ll just say it.” Harry took a deep breath and his words came in a rush. “I’m pregnant, Mione.”

He expected an outburst from the witch, but Hermione surprised him by remaining very calm. “I see, Harry.”

“You seem to be taking it in stride, Mione.”

“Well, the strangest things happen to you, my friend. You’ve been bitten by a basilisk, you’ve fought a dragon more than once; and you ended up with Malfoy, which was the strangest thing yet. Let’s say nothing about you surprises me.”

Harry shuddered when he saw a gleam in Hermione’s eyes.

“This will provide an excellent opportunity to research male pregnancies. I have to make sure you take care of yourself and the baby.” Hermione rubbed her hands excitedly.

 

\--

Meanwhile, in the living room, Ron was frowning at the screen. His thumb slid on the touchpad when he picked up the machine and he inadvertently clicked on a link on the browser.

“Malfoy, help me with this! Mione wants me to match up Animagi with their photos and I don’t recognize these blokes,” said Ron motioning to the screen with his right hand.

Draco stood behind the couch, leaning down to study the photo. “Those two are easy. This obviously is Longbottom’s apartment, the Gryffindor walls are a giveaway - and that long gray thing?" Draco pointed to the middle of the photo. "I’m sure it’s a prop for a Herbology experiment.”

“You’re sure?”

Draco nodded. “Yes, I bet the photo was taken after Longbottom’s bachelor party. The cat on the left is Blaise.” The blond shook his head wonderingly. “Didn’t know he was an Animagus. Blaise had the same dumbfounded expression when I told him I was marrying Harry.”

Draco leaned further, his finger touching the party hat perched atop the cat. “Or maybe it is Greg. Goyle has the same stunned look when he visits us. I do think Greg captioned the photo.” The blond said slowly, _“We was told there’d be cake and strippers.”_

Ron narrowed his eyes, studying the photo. “No. I think it was taken at Neville’s all right, but--“

He looked up at Draco, the laptop perched precariously on his lap. “Remember when the Gryffindors were angry because there were no strippers?”

Draco nodded slowly. “Lovegood didn’t want any at her fiancé’s bachelor party. Said there were some magical animals around that fed on their ‘stripping energy.’”

Ron glared at the screen. “And there was no cake! Neville had some strange plants that ate all the cake before we could!”

Draco scoffed. “I recall your stomach growling, Weasley, but that happens constantly. Your point?”

Ron stabbed his finger at the image of the cat. “That’s obviously Dean. He gets that same glazed expression when he watches soccer matches on the telly. And the dog?” Ron snickered, remembering the Irishman’s antics. “That’s Seamus. He got plastered at the party. Notice the skewed party hat. I bet he captioned the photo.”

Draco crossed his arms, scowling at the laptop. “I still think they’re Blaise and Goyle. Greg was so drunk I had to Side-Apparate him to our apartment; he spent the night there. The nosy muggle neighbor even asked me later if we were having a threesome and if we would invite him. The prat!”

Ron typed in Hermione’s spreadsheet. “I’m putting them down as Zabini and Goyle, and Dean and Seamus. The Ministry can find which is which by themselves.”

\--

\--

 

The redhead noticed something strange on the webpage.  
  
“What do you think this word means?” Ron touched the screen with his thumb, leaving a greasy fingerprint from the chicken drumstick.

Draco meditated for a second and replied, “I think the website is a new project of Granger’s. Remember SPEW?”

Ron nodded. “Yeah, I certainly do.”

“This one has to do with Animagi.” Draco pointed at the letters, drawling, “LOLCATS. Blah, blah, something…  Animagus Transformation Systems.”

Noting that Ron appeared to be in a good mood, Draco seized the moment. “By the way, Weasley. I’ve some news to tell you.”

Ron looked up at him, raising an eyebrow inquiringly. “What?”

“Harry’s pregnant.” Draco touched his wand in the pocket of his robes, ready to defend himself if the situation turned ugly.

Ron shrugged, saying after a moment, “Congratulations! You’d better treat him well… On second thought, I pity you.”

“Why?”

“Harry can be quite moody. I remember him during Fourth Year. Do you recall when he stalked you all through Sixth Year?”

Draco nodded, the dawning realization of what this could mean for him made him uneasy. “Yes.”

“Harry tends to be a bit obsessive. I hope your Unspeakable work has taught you to handle stress well, Malfoy.”

At that moment the bedroom door opened and Harry came out. Hermione’s arm was around his shoulder and she was beaming at him.

“Did Malfoy tell you? Ron, I’m going to be an aunt!” said Hermione excitedly.

Ron smiled at Harry. “Yes, this is great news! Mate, congratulations! I hope you treat Malfoy well.”

Harry glared at Ron, growling. “You don’t think I will?”

Draco shuddered.

 

 

..


	2. This Valentine's Day, say it with ferrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Bestiality (kind of)

 

 

Draco glared at the screen of this _laptoppy_ thingy. No matter what he typed, the dratted thing came up with the same response. _Bloody Harry, he's obviously charmed this!_

He was running out of time. Tomorrow was Valentine's day, and he'd forgotten to buy a present for Harry - his _pregnant_ , easily angered husband. In despair, Draco turned to the muggle technology Harry praised so much, but it turned out that apparently the scion of the Marauders wanted something special from him, a thing only Draco could provide.

After casting a hurried _Tempus_ , and realising he was running out of time, the blond typed again 'This valentine's day…'Without his moving a finger, instantly a list appeared out of nowhere! Draco scowled at the second item, brushing the letters on the screen with his fingers: _say it with ferrets…_

Heaving a defeated sigh - and remembering the last time the brunet was mad at him and cursed him with zebra ears - Draco pushed away the bothersome muggle puter of Harry's, wiping his sweaty forehead.

* * *

Harry opened the door of his apartment and waddled inside. Hopefully Draco would not be angry that he'd forgotten to buy a present for him. After all, he couldn't Apparate. The brunet scowled when he saw his laptop was turned on. _Is Draco surfing for porn, again?_

But then he smiled when he saw a small white shape. His Animagus husband turned his head and looked at Harry with beady eyes, wriggling - apparently the Slytherin green silk cord wrapped cutely around his furry neck itched. The ferret's whiskers moved as he attempted to smile - or smirk.

* * *

The white ferret put his front paws on the chair, motioning with his snout to the left. Harry ambled towards the bedroom. Seemingly impatient with his husband's slow progress, the ferret started hopping sideways excitedly, moving his head from side to side and dooking softly. The ferret darted towards the bed, tripping on his forelegs. He fell to the floor and hit his nose on the carpet.

Amused at his husband's antics, Harry shook his head. _Draco didn't want to believe me when I told him about the Weasel war dance. Glared at me all day. Finally told him to look it up on Google. Now he googles everything, even potions! I reckon this is convenient, though._

Harry sat on the bed and with a wave of his hand, vanished his clothes wandlessly. Harry had a fantasy. Growing up with the Dursleys deprived him of the chance to own a plushie. But now he wanted something more sensual. Draco being a ferret Animagus really came handy sometimes, though Draco was reluctant to fulfil his dreams. _Probably has to do with his parents' penetrating questions. Ever since that house-elf, Trikkie, found my furry pink handcuffs and gave them to Narcissa, she and Lucius want to know more about our sex life. Snoopy purebloods can't think for themselves!_

Because of Harry's pregnancy, Draco was more careful with him than ever, and it drove the brunet nuts - he had to do something. Propped on his elbows, Harry looked at the ferret with a come-hither look; the sight of his husband's lustful and loving eyes - in whatever form he took - quickly making him hard.

Harry glanced quickly at the Floo, frowning. _Hope Mione and Ron don't come barging in - on the other hand, Mione is always complaining about their sex life. This could give Ron some ideas._

The ferret jumped on Harry's midsection, careful not to land too hard on his protruding belly. Draco started frotting against Harry. The small weight of the ferret, his soft, delicate fur on Harry's sensitive belly felt wonderful. The ferret frantically jerked back and forth and Harry moaned at the delicious friction on his cock, trapped in the warmth and tightness of the ferret's silky fur.

Harry's grunts and Draco's dooking were the only sounds heard in the bedroom. When Draco put his front paws on Harry's sensitive nipples, the contrasting sensations of his soft pads and the sharp claws drove the pregnant man mad. Harry gazed lovingly at his ferret's beady grey eyes and his whiskers, shaking with his lusty efforts.

Draco's slim pink tongue lapped at Harry's sensitive spot on his neck. _Wily ferret_! thought Harry fondly as he came with a shout.

Draco looked sharply at Harry, directing his snout towards his sticky, wet fur as his whiskers twitched disgustedly. Harry pretended to fall asleep as he watched his ferret from behind lowered eyelashes. The ferret dooked angrily and bit softly Harry's neck, until the brunet dried his fur wandlessly.

Afterwards the ferret transformed into Draco, who snuggled behind Harry, carefully touching his belly. Harry grabbed Draco's hand, intertwining their fingers. "Did you come?"

Draco mumbled against Harry's tousled hair, "Yes. Didn't think I would. Must google the sex life of ferrets."

The blond whispered, "You didn't tamper with your moptop, did you?"

Alarmed, Harry touched his hair. _What is Draco talking about?_ Then he smiled, realising what the blond meant. He whispered indignantly, "Course not, who do you take me for? Fred or George?"

Draco yawned, being a ferret was tiring business. "Thought I'd ask, bloody suspicious behaviour of that…."

When he heard Draco's soft snores, Harry lifted their joined hands to his lips and kissed Draco's knuckles. Then he looked towards the green lights of the wireless router that sat on the dresser next to their bed. With a careless movement of his hand, he undid the charm that substituted Google's dropdown list with his carefully prepared one.

Harry smirked whilst he put Draco's soft hand under his cheek. _Bloody Sorting Hat was right; I could've been a great Slytherin. What will I give Draco for Valentine's Day, though? Maybe I'll cast another charm, directing him to that boutique with the robes I want?_

 

_\--_

 

_  
_


	3. Stuffed ferret

 

Susan pretended to read whilst she listened intently to the two men seated on the next table.

"Mighty suspicious, if you ask me," drawled the strikingly handsome blond.

"Why do you think so?" said the brunet as he slurped ice cream. The redheaded woman scrunched up her nose when she smelt sardines. She lifted her eyes from the book she was holding, staring mesmerised at the young man's intense green eyes.

"The store whose address I googled was conveniently next to the only boutique that sells maternity robes!"

The redhead shook her head. _I knew about maternity dresses, but robes?_

"You can't complain, I got three outfits for you and some measly clothes for me!" replied the brunet as he ate a particularly large bit of sardine.

"You're a shopaholic, Harry. Luckily they had your size."

"Are you calling me fat?" growled the green-eyed man.

\--

The woman peeked from behind her book, watching the blond lifting his hands pleadingly. "Not at all, Harry! I'd never do that."

The woman sipped her coffee, losing interest in the conversation between the two men.

"… you must admit you're a handful at times, Harry!"

Susan looked up and watched the blond's fond smile vanishing when Harry dashed out of the café, wiping tears off his cheek and mumbling, "Insensitive bastard!"

She observed the brunet's waddling gait. _The blond's right after all, Harry's quite fat!_

The slim man with aristocratic features threw two golden coins on the table, picked up several bags and rushed towards the exit.

Susan returned to her book, thinking, _'Alice in Wonderland' is not as interesting as those two._

The woman noticed the blond had left a bag. She paid rapidly and went after the feuding men. But when she reached the alley behind the café, she only saw the brunet.

Harry was glaring at a small furry shape. Susan approached him slowly - after all she didn't want the irascible man mad at her. _That seems like an otter, or a weasel? It's snarling ferociously, but it looks rather cute with its round ears. Very obedient though, hasn't moved an inch._

"You trained your weasel very well," observed Susan.

Harry whirled around, snarling, "Why do I find Slytherins everywhere? Can't get rid of you!"

Susan shrank back and waved her hand at the menacing, seemingly frozen mammal.

"Err…" Harry shrugged and smiled bashfully. "Sorry, thought you meant Ron."

The man passed a hand over his unruly hair. He looked at the still animal, smiling wickedly. "That's my hus… err… I mean Draco, my stuffed ferret."

The woman put the bag on the ground and pushed it towards the strange man. "You forgot this."

Harry nodded, muttering, "Thanks." He bent to pick his stuffed pet.

\--

"Finally found you!" The feminine voice startled Susan, who hadn't heard any steps. "What are you doing on your own?"

Susan turned and saw a slim woman, fashionably dressed in a business suit underneath a robe. _So this is the girl that's going to use the maternity robes - doesn't look pregnant though._

"Hi, Mione!" replied the brunet.

"The twins should be with you! Draco's going to be mad!"

Susan shook her head. _The stuffed ferret will be mad? Curioser and curioser._

"Where's…" Mione frowned when she saw the quiet ferret. "You've immobilised him again? This is the third time! Told you to get over your plushie fixation!"

A brief scuffle ensued as Mione tried to wrest the immobile ferret away from Harry.

"Stop! You're going to pull his fur! He's going to be mad."

"Draco will be furious with you anyway, Harry!"

Susan carefully edged away from the strange scene. _I prefer the Mad Hatter to these people._

Near the café, Susan's boyfriend caught up with her. "Sorry! I was busy helping a client. You weren't bored?"

"No, a couple were fighting over a stuffed ferret. Can you believe that?"

Susan pointed her hand to the alley, but when she turned her head, the strange couple - and the ferret - were gone.

 

\--

 

 


	4. Scanned ferret

 

 

Radiologist Carlotta Webb looked up from her notebook when the couple entered the room. The strikingly handsome blond man was tugging his pregnant wife by the arm.

Carlotta grinned. _What a cute couple! Though by their clothes, they must be rockers - or punkers. Why, she even has a cute tattoo on her forehead! Pity I lost touch with the London scene when I married._

Carlotta looked up their names in her book. “You are the Malfoy-Potters?”

The blond nodded proudly. “I’m Draco and this is” - he pointed to the scowling brunette next to him - “Henrietta.”

“That is not my name!” growled the pregnant wizard.

“It became so when you said our _magical_ wedding vows,” replied Draco smugly.

Carlotta smiled fondly at the couple. _Ah, to be young - when love was magical! Draco is so handsome; he has dimples when he smiles so devilishly! Henrietta is so beautiful with her striking green eyes - though her hormones appear to be running mad, poor dear. She even has stubble!_

“Why did you bring me here, Draco?”

“Isn’t this what you wanted, Harry?”

Carlotta sighed dreamily, entranced by the couple. _He even calls her Harry! How I wish my no-good husband called me Charlie! Instead it’s always - Carlotta this and that._

Mrs. Webb warmed up the electronic device so she missed their next words.

“…wanted a Weird Sisters CD!” exclaimed Harry exasperatedly.

“Looked it up on Google, Harry! CD… phonogram… sonogram.”

“This is your revenge for the other day!”

“I swear it’s not, Slytherin’s word.”

Radiologist Webb hefted the small hand-held transducer of the ultrasound scanner.   _So that’s the group Draco follows. Definitely a rocker._

Carlotta pointed to the bed. “You need to take off your coat, Mrs. Malfoy.”

“I’m not Mrs. Malfoy - that’s my mother-in-law! And this is a robe, not a coat!”

“Sure, Mrs. Malfoy,” replied Carlotta patiently. _Poor girl, the hormones must be driving her mad!_

Harry walked to the bed and Draco pulled the curtains. Carlotta typed on her notebook whilst she listened intently to their conversation.  
  
“Let me help you, Harry.”

“Don’t need your help, ferret!”

Mrs. Webb sighed. _They even have nicknames for each other, how cute!_

“Ouch, don’t touch me there! That’s where Granger pulled my fur!”

The radiologist shook her head. _Strange, Draco doesn’t seem to be hairy at all._

Afterwards, the radiologist sat down, pushing aside Harry’s green hospital gown and rubbing a cool gel over the prominent belly. “Mrs. Malfoy, we may have to do a transvaginal scan.”

“Please do; that sounds interesting!” said a grinning Draco whilst Harry blanched, horror-stricken.

“I swear on my Gryffindor honour I’ll avenge myself!”

Carlotta smiled to herself. _So Harry’s a punk, then._

She rubbed Harry’s belly, exchanging a commiserating look with the brunette. “Don’t mind your husband, dear. Men just don’t understand we have different plumbing.”

“Don’t I know it!” exclaimed Harry exasperatedly.

The radiologist placed the small transducer against Harry’s abdomen, moving it softly whilst she bent to type a command on the oval keyboard of the ultrasound scanner.

Draco stared hungrily at the keyboard and the video display screen. “Can you get Google on your machine?”

Carlotta shook her head whilst Harry muttered softly, “I’ve created a monster!”

Slowly, an image formed on the screen. Harry stared mesmerised at the image as Draco stepped away from the bed, shivering. “By Merlin! That looks like a Hinkypunk!”

“Better a Hinkypunk than a ferretoid!” growled Harry.

Carlotta sighed longingly. _Obviously they prefer different scenes. Slytherin and Gryffindor. The Gryffindors are definitely punks!_

Harry smiled lovingly at the screen. “Is it a boy or a girl?”

“We’ll see, dear,” replied the radiologist.

But when she moved the transducer downwards, the hospital gown - which Harry had put backwards - slipped. Carlotta was confronted with something she never expected to see there. A man’s bits!

“Oh, my!” exclaimed the radiologist before she fainted, falling softly from her seat and landing on the floor with a soft thud.

Draco bent to pick Carlotta whilst Harry snickered softly.

The blond slowly lifted her unconscious body and put her on the next bed. “This woman is heavy!”

“Why didn’t you use _Levilicorpus_?” observed Harry smugly.

“Why didn’t you remind me?”

But then Harry put his hand on his chest as he appeared to hyperventilate. “She’ll tell the others! They’ll discover us!”

“Calm down, Harry!” Draco held Harry’s hand, rubbing circles on his palm with his thumb. “I’ll take care of everything.”

“They’ll take me away!” Harry clutched his chest.

“Harry, I’m sorry!”

Draco was so intent on tranquilising his husband that he didn’t notice the maniacal glint in Harry’s eyes, or the way his lips tugged upward in a faint smirk.

“I can’t breathe!” Harry gasped. “You know the only thing that soothes me!”

Draco sighed in defeat and with a graceful motion, he transformed.

The ferret put his front paws on the edge of the bed, sniffing Harry’s hand. When he looked up at Harry, the mammal noticed the demonic smirk of the brunet, and hastily scrambled towards the door, trying to dash out of the room to escape his husband’s clutches.

With a fluid motion of his hand, Harry growled, “Google this!”

\--

The receptionist looked up from the computer screen, frowning when she saw the pregnant woman leaving alone.

“Is everything ok, Mrs. Malfoy?”

“I’m fine, and for the last time, I’m not Mrs. Malfoy!”

“Where’s Mr. Malfoy?”

“He had to leave. You should see to the radiologist. She fainted during the examination. I reckon she might not remember the last hour, she hit her head!”

Harry hefted the small white furry figure next to his hip as he waddled out of the room.

The receptionist smiled fondly at the retreating figure of the brunet. _Mr. Malfoy is so thoughtful! He had to leave but he went to the store and bought a plushie for Mrs. Malfoy! That ferret is so cute, his terrified face is awesome! I’ll have to get one!_

 

_\--_

 

 

_  
_


	5. Born the Animagus way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics quoted from the song, "Born this way" by Lady Gaga.

"I think Harry only loves me because I am…. you know." Draco sipped his tea, looking sadly at the busy London street behind the windows.

" _Just put your paws up 'cause you were born this way, baby."_

Draco held up his hands, glaring at his companion. "I thought we put the past behind us when we discovered we were Animagi!"

The blond sighed. "But you're right, Weasley. It's my cruel fate to be a ferret Animagus." Draco looked sharply at the redheaded man. "You're unusually insightful today."

 _"I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way."_ His voice a sing-song cadence, Ron nodded animatedly.

"Glad to note your confidence, Weasley - though you're overly familiar."

Draco picked up his cup and continued. "The problem is that Harry loves my ferret form, perhaps more than he loves me!"

Ron tapped his foot vigorously against the linoleum floor.

"Do you have this problem too? Does Granger love the weasel more than you?"

" _In the religion of the insecure I must be myself, respect my youth."_

Draco nodded appreciatively. "Your wit astounds me, Weasley. You've certainly grown from the twit that knocked me in the Final Battle."

Ron bobbed his head up and down, moving his torso from side to side. Draco just shook his head, wondering what was on the tea today.

"Harry is driving me bonkers! Told me he obliviated the whole hospital!"

Draco continued with his tale of woe until Ron exclaimed loudly, _"Don't be a drag - just be a queen!"_

Draco stood up, scowling fiercely. "You think that? For your information," Draco sniffed indignantly. "It's Harry who is preggers!"

Draco noticed a thin white cord that was dangling from the redhead's left ear. "What's this?" He yanked it forcefully.

"Ouch! What did you do that for?" Ron rubbed gingerly his ear.

"Did you listen to a word I said?"

"Course I did. You think Harry loves you just because you're a ferret. You know, Mione taught me how to multipack!"

After Draco sat down, Ron put his iPod in the pocket of his robe, trying not to smirk. _Luckily the only thing Malfoy talks about is Harry's fixation._

Ron rubbed his forehead exasperatedly. "You have to understand Harry. He suffered under those cursed muggles. He didn't have any plushies!"

Ron rummaged in the pocket of his robe. "But if you want to make sure he loves you for yourself?" He took out a small cellophane-wrapped sweet and gave it to Draco. "Swallow this when he asks you to become your Animagus. You'll …."

Suddenly the redhead dropped to a crouch next to his chair. Draco arched his eyebrows. "Something the matter, Weasley? Did you see Lavender Brown?"

Ron's muffled voice came from beneath the tablecloth. "The police are here! There was this muggle I might've inadvertently obliviated…"

Draco looked towards the entrance and saw a voluminous figure clad in black robes. He dived under the table, muttering, "What if they are after me for the hospital incident?"

Father Callahan sat on the chair and unfolded his copy of the _Dublin Times_ , muttering softly to himself. "Funny, could've sworn there were two blokes at that table when I came in."

 

\--

 

 

 


	6. Eavesdropping at the café

 

 

 

Susan looked up from her book and saw the couple enter the café. She sipped her tea, shaking her head. _Harry is here, and the slim pregnant girl - without her maternity robe I might add. I don’t see the handsome blond, though. More importantly, there is no sign of Draco, the stuffed ferret.  
_

Susan snickered softly. _What a funny name for a ferret!_

When the waiter arrived to take their orders, Hermione put the menu on the tablecloth. “Could you bring me a cappuccino and pineapple tart?”

“I’ll have treacle tart - with sardines,” said Harry.

The muggle woman leaned forward unobtrusively, intent on following the conversation

Hermione squinted at her best friend. “Why don’t you try something new, like oat meal with anchovies?”

Harry glared at the brunette. “Why? You think I’m fat too?”

Hermione held up her hands. “Of course not, Harry! You’re the right weight, believe me.”

Susan glared from behind her book. _I’ve got it now. The blond is Harry’s boyfriend. He obviously wants him to go on a diet. And this girl is trying to steal Harry from him by enabling his binging!_

When the waiter brought their dishes, the conversation stopped for a while and Susan returned to reading her book. The redhead caressed lovingly the glossy cover of Peter Shaffer’s Equus. _Harry seems familiar. Perhaps I’ve seen him in the theatre?_

Hermione pointed her fork towards her pregnant friend. “You wouldn’t believe what happened the other day, Harry. I was googling your name and the autofill response led me to some cute otter pictures!”

Hermione sighed dreamily. “They were so pretty.”

Harry paused in the middle of eating his treacle tart, staring intently at the witch. His lips curved upward, hinting at a smirk.  “And?”

“Since Malfoy is a ferret and Ron a weasel… perhaps it’s time I tried,” said Hermione firmly.

Susan gripped the book so tightly, her knuckles were white. She remembered distinctly the incident outside the cafe when Harry was so protective towards the white ferret. _This is worse than I thought! Harry suffers from a mental disease like the teenager of Equus._

Susan took a sip of her Darjeeling tea to calm herself. _Harry’s obsessed with small furry animals. He’s probably a menace to ferrets everywhere. His boyfriend - the cute blond - is a famous psychiatrist who is treating him. And this bloody girl is enabling his sick fantasies to lure poor Harry to her side!_

“I’ve been researching the transformation,” continued Hermione. “Google has been very useful.”

The brunette shook her head. “It’s very strange, the algorithms for the autofill response are better than I imagined. They lead me to the right places, as if by magic.”

Hermione noticed the redheaded woman glaring at her whilst Harry smirked.

“I see Malfoy is rubbing off on you, Harry.”

“Mione, don’t you think it’s time you called him Draco?”

“I will when he calls me Hermione!”

Susan took her pen and hastily scribbled on the margins of Equus: _Locate Draco Malfoy, and tell him about Hermione’s perfidious plot!!!_

Hermione leaned towards Harry and said in a low voice. “Don’t look to the right, Harry. There’s a woman that’s been glaring at me the whole time. Do you think she is, you know… a former Death Eater?”

When Harry started coughing, Hermione hastily stood up and hit his back.

“Don’t hit me so hard, Mione! I’m all right.” Harry looked towards the kitchen, his gaze pausing for a moment on Susan, and he tried hard not to laugh.

“I’m sure she’s not a Death Eater.”

Susan scowled indignantly behind her book. She looked at her watch and finally took out her mobile to call her boyfriend. _Paul’s late as usual; I have to call Carlotta and make an appointment for an ultrasound. This girl, Mione, is abusive as well. I’ll Google for a psychiatrist called Draco and I’ll let the blond know about Harry Otter’s plight._

 

 

_  
_


	7. Say it with bears

 

 

Draco glared at the message on the screen.

From [winterheroine@witchesrbetter.com](mailto:winterheroine@witchesrbetter.com)

_Malfoy:_

_Aren’t you a little paranoid? I doubt the autofill response has been tampered with; Google’s servers can’t be compromised. I suspect your untoward use of the web has made you catch a virus. Perhaps you should change your OS? Link_ [ _here_ ](http://www.sjbaker.org/wiki/index.php?title=The_History_of_Tux_the_Linux_Penguin) _.  
_

_PS. Make sure Harry wears the tuxedo I bought for him, it was hard to find one that would fit him, and he refuses to wear formal maternity robes. The Ministry gala tonight is quite important._

_HGW_

The blond seemingly stomped on the keys as he wrote.

From [greekonqueror@bloodnotoverrated.com](mailto:greekonqueror@bloodnotoverrated.com)

_Granger. I’ll let you know that my Por… tions collection would not catch a virus, whatever it is! Can’t you be helpful for once? What in Merlin’s burnt beard is an OS?_

_*glares at the screen*_

_*glares more*_

_PS. Harry will wear what he wants. I don’t want to be immobilised again!!_

_DMP_

Draco energetically pressed the enter key with his pinkie. When nothing happened, the blond scowled at the screen and angrily poked the touchpad. “Bloody Muggles, can’t they make this thing better? Though I admit it comes pretty handy.”

Draco clicked the link Hermione provided and stared at the screen, wondering what Ubuntu was, and how it was supposed to aid his internet pursuits.

After a while, he reclined on the chair, waiting for Hermione’s answer. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Don’t you know what a virus is?” Hermione’s voice came from beneath the table.

Draco glared at the silver otter which jumped next to the laptop. The _Patronus_ put its translucent front paws on the top of the screen and continued in a lecturing tone, “You get a virus when you download suspect content from the web.”

The otter’s paws passed through the top of the window and merged with Harry’s wallpaper. “If you change your OS to something more secure, you can surf safely.”

Draco shook his head. “Show off! I can stand on my hind paws, and I don’t need a bloody _Patronus_ to do it!”

Hermione’s silver otter continued relaying her message. “Really, Malfoy. With all the things you download your laptop is surely…”

At that moment Harry sauntered into the living room, clutching his lapels nervously. “Draco, are you ready? I had a very hard time donning this outfit. Could have used your help!”

Harry saw the silver otter and his eyes lit up.

Draco stood up and staggered backwards. He knew that look well. It meant that Harry wanted his ferret.

Harry waddled menacingly towards Draco. “Draco, all this pressure with the gala is making me nervous!”

The Gryffindor wobbled, his face scrunching up. Harry knew his husband could not resist that look.

Meanwhile the silver otter disappeared, unnoticed by the former Seekers. Draco sighed resignedly. He advanced towards the pregnant brunet, rummaging in the pocket of his formal robes for the sweet Ron gave him. With a graceful motion, the blond transformed into the white ferret.

Harry’s eyes shined malevolently, but before he could do anything, the ferret scampered away and hid beneath the table. The furry mammal tried to grab the sweet with his left paw, but it slid towards Harry.

The brunet eyed suspiciously the sweet, but due to his prominent belly, he could not bend down to grab it. Draco darted toward Harry and swallowed the sweet.

Standing on his hind paws, the ferret twitched his whiskers and stared defiantly at Harry. The brunet licked his lips, all thoughts of the gala flown from his mind, but before he could do anything, the ferret transformed. His white body elongated and grew much bulkier.

Harry stepped away, staring in awe at the huge mammal. Draco stood 9 feet tall, weighing about 1,200 pounds; his body was furry and white, except for his dark nose.

The Polar bear’s pointy face scrunched in confusion when Harry darted forwards and hugged his midsection. Draco shook his head. _What in bloody hell was in that sweet?_

The bear patted Harry’s tousled mane fondly. Harry looked up at Draco, his eyes wide as saucers.

Draco looked down on his husband with growing apprehension. _By Merlin! Harry looks just like that penguin, Minux! Have to control my instincts!_

Harry hugged the bear fiercely. “I love you, Draco, whatever form you are!”

The bear growled affectionately, but then he smelt Harry’s breath. Draco hid his face behind his paws. _Oh, no! Harry even smells like a penguin! He’s been at the ice cream with sardines, again!_

From behind his paws, the bear peeked at Harry, who was waddling towards the couch. _By Merlin’s shiny wand, Harry even walks like a penguin! I want to eat him, and not in_ a sexy way!

Harry measured the space next to the couch and with barely concealed lust, motioned to the bear. “Come here, Draco!”

The bear reluctantly approached, wrestling with his carnivore instincts. _I must think of my daughter growing inside Harry!_

“Lay down, Draco!”

The Polar bear obediently lay down. After all, it would make it harder for the bear to act on his feelings.

Draco was distracted and didn't notice when Harry wandlessly vanished the trousers of his tuxedo. However, he felt Harry’s cock when his husband carefully reclined on him and started rutting against Draco’s bulging belly.

Trying to control the beast inside him, Draco shook his head. _I must think of my daughter! She’ll have tousled raven hair and silver eyes, or maybe silky blond hair and green eyes. She’ll be lovely because she’ll be Harry’s. She’ll be the Slytherin Seeker, of course._

The bear shook his head ruefully. _But being Harry’s daughter, she will probably want me to turn into a ferret, too._

Harry continued frotting against the bear’s abdomen. Their bulging bellies and his position allowed his cock the perfect angle, and Harry was so overcome by the sensations of the fur rubbing against him that he didn't notice the bear’s distressed growls.

Draco tried to distract himself from his bearish thoughts. _Assaulted by a penguin! What would the other bears say? Anyway, time to think about our daughter’s name. Maybe Ursa Potter-Malfoy?_

The bear shook his head whilst he patted Harry’s head. _No, too plebeian. I’ve got it! Vulpecula Malfoy-Potter. It has the right kind of cache._

Harry came with a shout, looking at Draco with adoration written on his face. “I love you, Draco.”

The bear sniffed daintily. _Oh, Merlin! It smells like fish! Harry had better do something._

Harry noticed the bear’s scowl. “I know, Draco. You hate it when your fur is wet.”

He wandlessly vanished his come from the bear’s belly; and with a stabbing motion of his hands, he was dressed again.

Harry stood up, stretching his arms. “We have to go to that bloody gala! I feel…”

But the doorbell interrupted him. Harry waddled towards the apartment door, motioning to Draco. “Don’t move! Pretend you are a lamp or something.”

When Harry opened the door, he saw that it was their neighbour, Robert.

The blond muggle smirked when he peeked inside and noticed that Harry was alone. Robert walked uninvited into their apartment, noticing with distaste the huge bear. “Odd choice of furniture.”

The bear tried to repress his growl.

Robert stopped in the middle of the living room and turned to Harry, leering at the brunet. “I see your pesky boyfriend is not here, Harry.”

Harry started to say something but the muggle interrupted him. “You know, even though you are very fat, you’re quite handsome.”

The bear’s growl was overshadowed by Harry’s.

Robert shrugged, dismissing the odd sounds as some weird echo. “You should leave that insipid blond and shack up with me.”

When the immobile bear suddenly lunged at him, Robert fainted.

Harry shook his finger at the unrepentant bear. “See what you’ve done, Draco? Now we’re going to be late. Hermione will never forgive me!”

 

\--

 

 


	8. Paging Doctor Draco

 

Radiologist Carlotta Webb gingerly moved the transducer of the ultrasound scanner over Susan's belly; but when the green hospital gown slipped a bit, Carlotta jumped away.

"Something the matter, Carlotta?" Susan clutched the hem of the gown, a worried frown on her face. _I hope nothing's wrong with my baby. That good for nothing Paul should be here with me!_

Carlotta patted Susan's hand. "Nothing, dear! It's just that recently I've been having awful nightmares."

"What happens?"

"Well, I dream that I'm examining a patient." Carlotta moved the transducer whilst she typed the commands on the keyboards with her usual skill, though a bit tiredly.

"She's quite alright and the scan goes smoothly, but then…"Carlotta sighed nostalgically. "There are stroboscopic lights just like in the clubs; her gown slips and …"

"Yes?" Susan squirmed a bit due to the cool gel.

"She has bits like a man!"

Susan seized the opening like an eager ferret. "Carlotta, I think your subconscious is trying to tell you something about your job. You need to consult a psychiatrist. I've heard of a very good one."

Carlotta finished the scan and put the transducer on the table with a distant look in her eyes. "You might be right, Susan. I hadn't seen the obvious connection between the dream and my profession."

Then radiologist Webb smiled reassuringly at the redhead patient. "Everything's ok, Susan. The baby is healthy. I thought Paul would come with you?"

"He's working; you know how he is about his job."

While Susan put on her jeans and blouse, she continued talking. "This psychiatrist I'm telling you about? You might know him, Doctor Draco."

Carlotta accompanied her friend to the entrance, yawning discreetly; the recurring nightmares were affecting her sleep. "Haven't heard of him. Though the name seems oddly familiar."

Susan brushed aside a curl of her red hair that was falling on her left eye. "I googled the name, but nothing comes up, and it's quite unusual, Draco Malfoy."

Karen, the receptionist, looked up from her screen. "Draco Malfoy? He was here last week!"

Seeing Carlotta's puzzled expression, Karen hastened to explain. "When you hit your head and had a bout of amnesia?"

Karen turned to Susan, who was smiling delightedly. "Anyway, he was here with his lovely wife. She was a bit grouchy though, must be the pregnancy. She had a scan."

Susan's smile disappeared instantly. The redhead stared astounded at Karen, not believing her ears. _Doctor Draco has a wife - a pregnant wife? What about poor Harry?_

Unmindful of Susan's astonishment, Karen sighed entranced. "Mr. Malfoy is so thoughtful. He had to leave but he bought Mrs. Malfoy a cute plushie ferret."

Susan glared at the desk. _What? The slut that took Doctor Draco away from Harry also gets the ferret? Those cheaters! If I find Doctor Draco I will…_ The redhead muggle gripped the desk so fiercely her knuckles were white. _I'll stuff that ferret down Draco's lying throat! And then I'll grab the furry animal by its tail and slap them silly with it, the Doctor and his slut!_

Carlotta and Karen exchanged worried glances due to Susan's strange behaviour. They talked about the upcoming appointments whilst Susan was in turmoil. _No wonder Harry binges like mad and is so fat! The poor dear must be devastated by his evil boyfriend's cheating ways. Perhaps Hermione would do him good?_

The redhead shook her head fiercely. _No, she is only enabling Harry's binging and she's obsessed with animals herself. What Harry needs is an honest man._

Susan smiled sweetly at the receptionist. "I've something to give Draco Malfoy. Can you tell me where he lives?"

Karen shook her head. "It's strange, the records we keep? They were erased that day. Have a backup in my flash drive, but it's somewhere in my apartment." Karen wrinkled her nose. "It's a bit untidy."

"Well, I think Draco urgently needs what I have to give him." Susan flexed her fist, essaying her most charming smile. "Tell you what, if you find his address, I'll buy a cup of coffee. Hell, I'll even buy you lunch!"

Karen nodded her assent distractedly because at that moment a very handsome brunet man entered the room.

He approached timidly the three women whilst Susan sized him up. _This bloke's very fit and handsome. Obviously he's in the theatre, so he's not a doctor like lying Draco. Mmmh, those robes look nice on him._

"May I help you?" asked Karen

"I want to make an appointment for an ultra… sound?"

"Name of the patient?"

The man fidgeted with his robes, considering the question. He finally answered, "Weasley."

"First name?" Karen's fingers hung poised over the keyboard as she waited for the answer.

"George."

When the three women looked at him with raised eyebrows, the man hastened to add, "Err… Georgette of course."

"Your wife?"

The man laughed softly. "Merlin, no! I'm just a… friend."

Susan beamed at the man. _How cute, he likes the show, too! And he's single, perfect for Harry. More importantly, he's not blond like Draco. I should think Harry is fed up with blonds._

Karen looked at her screen and moved the mouse to get to the next field. "Husband's name?"

"Err… Finnigan, Seamus Finnigan."

The man smiled boyishly. "By the way, my name is Neville Longbottom."

Susan touched her chin musingly. _Harry Otter Longbottom, it has a certain ring to it. I like it._

Meanwhile Neville kept fingering the vial of the potion he and the twins developed to soften the effects of Obliviate.

Harry had told Luna about the incident with the radiologist, and the pregnant Luna insisted Neville should help with the situation. Besides, she wanted to have an ultrasound later on.

Neville drummed his fingers on the desk. "May I see the room where the examination will take place? I need to reassure George… I mean Georgette. She's quite peculiar you know."

"Sure! Come this way." Carlotta pointed the way to the examination room whilst Neville surreptitiously took out the potion vial.

"Do you frequent a special club?" asked the radiologist, eyeing Neville's black robes with a certain nostalgia.

Then Susan bid goodbye to the receptionist, not without leaving her cell number in case Karen found Draco's address.

* * *

Unaware of the storm coming his way, Draco sauntered in the hall of the building where Ron and Hermione had their apartment, holding Harry's hand.

Harry admonished Draco. "You shouldn't have cursed Robert."

"He made us late to the gala and called me ugly!" Draco pouted angrily.

"Still, you made him sparkle!"

"Only in the sun. The muggle had it coming." Draco added slyly, "He also called you fat."

Harry growled. "Don't remind me! He interrupted our bear time."

When Harry turned to look at him with a glint in his eyes, Draco sighed exasperatedly. _I'm tired of Harry's fascination with my Animagus side. I can certainly understand that my animal magnetism is irresistible, but this is too much. Worse, Granger forbids me to retaliate and turn Harry into a black bunny._

Draco touched his wand nervously. _Maybe Granger is right, it might hurt our daughter, Vulpecula Malfoy-Potter._

The blond smiled mischievously. _But I can also have good, clean fun pranking Harry the Slytherin way._

Draco turned to his husband, feigning a worried expression. "Harry, haven't you wondered yet?"

Harry looked at Draco's frown with growing alarm. "About what?"

"Well, the baby has to come out somewhere," said Draco, trying not to snicker. The blond gazed meaningfully towards Harry's backside.

Harry gulped, his face blanching. "You don't mean to say…"

"I'm sorry, Harry. But the back way is the right way. I thought you already knew. Obviously those muggles that raised you didn't explain everything to you."

Harry glared at his husband, all thoughts of ferrets forgotten. "You're just taking the piss!"

Draco coughed, then he turned wounded eyes towards Harry. "Do you think I would stoop so low?"

Harry grabbed the doorknob to Hermione's apartment with trembling fingers. In all his scheming, he had never considered this.

 

\--


	9. Choosing godparents

 

"I can't believe you two are going to be parents!" Hermione glared at the men seated around the table in her dining room. "You act just like you did at Hogwarts!"

Whilst Draco smirked, Harry squirmed on his seat. Ron was busy moving his head from side to side.

Hermione fixed her stern gaze on Harry. "You are the chief trainer for the Aurors; don't you think you should behave with more decorum? You arrived at the gala like you were a rumpled penguin."

Ron and Draco sniggered, but a glare from Hermione shut them up.

Before Harry could answer, Hermione admonished Draco. "And you, Malfoy - you're an Unspeakable. You should behave accordingly!"

Ron took off his earphones and asked Draco, "What is it you do, anyway?"

Draco smirked. "I can't tell you. If I did, I'd have to-"

"Kill us, I know the drill, Draco," huffed Hermione.

Draco steepled his fingers and looked at Hermione with what purported to be an angelic smile. "No, Granger. I'd Obliviate you. I don't kill or maim, just Obliviate."

Ron laughed, but he shut up when Hermione scowled at him. Draco continued nonchalantly, "But seeing as how you're the Golden Trio, I'll tell you what I'm working on."

Draco leaned forward and put his elbows on the table. "There's a rumour that a new Dark Lord is on the rise."

Harry piped up, "The Aurors haven't heard anything like that, Draco."

"It's top secret, Harry. Thing is, this new Dark Lord seems to be infiltrating the Muggles."

"How so, Malfoy?" Hermione looked sideways at her husband, and when she noticed that Ron unobtrusively tried to stand up, she snorted and looked pointedly at him. Ron remained seated.

"Well, we've received reports that someone's fiddling with the muggle internet," said Draco.

Harry frowned and shifted nervously on the chair.

"It seems that Google results are being tampered with. We Unspeakables believe it's some evil conspiracy." Draco stared at Hermione's laptop on the table as if he wanted to seize it and study its contents. "We're determined to get to the bottom of this."

Harry started sweating profusely. He bit his lip nervously.

But Hermione would not be deterred from the dressing down she felt the wizards deserved. She waved her arms and dismissed Draco's words. "Whatever. What matters is that you two," she motioned to the former Seekers. "Are behaving like schoolboys."

The witch stood up and went to the kitchen to fix herself a cup of tea to calm her nerves. She continued talking as she waved her wand to fix her tea, "You should be more responsible, think of the child! Draco, you especially should be considerate of Harry's condition!"

Hermione poured her tea whilst she thought about dissuading Draco from his revenge. _Really, turning Harry into a rabbit! Though I must admit he'd look great. A fat black bunny, with a strip of white fur on his forehead - a lightning bolt. One ear droops, the other sticking straight up. The bunny would twitch his whiskers and he'd be wearing glasses. That'd be so cute! I want to do it!_

Hermione chastised herself whilst she walked back to the dining room. _This is childish of me. I must think of my godchild! I'll wait until after the baby is born._

Draco pouted. "No tea for us, Granger?"

"I don't fix tea for juvenile pranksters, Malfoy! By the way, who are going to be the godparents?"

"Haven't decided yet. But they'll have to be Animagi," replied Draco.

Hermione pushed away her cup of tea with an angry motion. The liquid spilt over the rim of the cup and stained the tablecloth but she paid it no mind. "I can't believe how much a snob you still are, Malfoy! Animagi! Must be an old Malfoy tradition!"

Draco held up his hands pleadingly. "Don't bite my head off, Granger! Wasn't my idea. It was Harry's!"

Hermione looked at Harry with a betrayed expression. The pregnant Auror hastened to explain. "Mione, it's my intention to honour Sirius. The baby's name will be Severus Sirius." Harry smirked eerily like Draco. "He'll be the Gryffindor Seeker of course."

Draco growled. "Are you barmy, Harry? The baby will be named Vulpecula and she'll be the Slytherin Seeker."

Harry glared. "No child of mine will be the Slytherin Seeker!"

Draco craftily replied, "So Vulpecula can be the Gryffindor Seeker then?"

Harry hit the table with his fist, causing more spilt tea. "No! I refuse to let a child go through life with a name like that!"

Ron sniggered. "Who was called that, Malfoy? Your great-grandmother?"

Draco smiled tiredly. "Actually, I looked up the name on the muggle Web. I liked it very much. But I'll defer to you, Harry."

Ron smiled proudly. "Animagus? Looks like I'll be the godfather, huh!"

"Wouldn't be so sure, Weasley," replied Draco. "Blaise is convinced his Animagus is a honey badger. Last time I saw him, he sported a slim tail."

Harry rubbed his hands with glee, adding, "Snape is sure he is a bat Animagus."

"He certainly looks like one," quipped Ron.

Harry smiled nervously whilst he wiggled on the chair. Noticing this, Hermione asked solicitously, "You're uncomfortable, Harry? Do you want a cushion?"

"No, I'm fine, Hermione," said Harry while Draco tried to hide his smirk. But the brunet noticed and decided to punish his wayward husband.

"Actually, I'm craving ice cream." Harry pouted and looked at Draco with shining eyes. "Can you bring me some from that store? You know the flavour I want."

Draco sighed resignedly and stood up. "I'll get it for you, Harry." The Slytherin looked at Ron and motioned to the door. "Coming, Weasley?"

Ron nodded and stood up. "Sure. One can never have enough ice cream. And I'm hungry."

When the two were at the door, Harry called to Draco, "And bring me some halibut. I don't like sardines anymore."

"Whatever you want, Harry," said Draco whilst Hermione sneered.

* * *

Once Draco and Ron had left, Hermione fixed Harry with a steely gaze. "Spill the beans, Harry!"

"What do you mean, Mione?"

"You're clearly nervous about something. You've been sweating and squirming. Something's the matter with Draco?"

"It's not him, it's the baby."

Hermione covered her mouth in shock. "Is she all right? Have you seen a mediwizard? I can take you to St. Mungo's right now if you want."

Harry held up his hands. "The baby is all right." The brunet bit his lip worriedly. "It's the birth I'm worried about."

"What do you mean, Harry?"

"Draco told me how the baby is supposed to come out - through the back door so to speak. It'll be quite painful!"

Hermione looked towards the ceiling, trying to understand her friend's words. With Harry, everything was possible.

Hermione started laughing uncontrollably when she realised what Harry meant.

"It's not funny, Mione! I'm the one who's going to be split in half by the birth!" Harry huffed. "I reckon you wouldn't be so happy if it was you who had to-"

Hermione nearly fell off her chair, she was laughing so hard. Making a supreme effort, she managed to contain her hilarity whilst Harry glared at her.

Finally she regained her composure, muttering indignantly, "Men! They can't do research even when they're pregnant!"

Harry crossed his arms and pouted; tears of frustration started rolling down his cheeks. Seeing this, Hermione decided to tell him the truth, her way.

"Tell me, Harry, have you ever wondered how wizards came up with _Wingardium leviosa_?"

Harry whinged. "What does that have to do with my pitiful situation?"

"Bear with me, Harry. Answer, please."

"Can't say I have."

Hermione smiled, and her voice took a didactic tone as she explained. "The wizards and witches observed feathers and leaves drifting down - that spurred their curiosity and imagination."

"Really?" said Harry in a bored tone, wondering what that had to do with the awful situation he was in.

Hermione continued. "They wondered how they could duplicate that effect using the magic they possessed and some enterprising wizard came up with the spell."

Hermione swished her wand and accio'd some ice cream with anchovies from the refrigerator when she heard Harry's stomach rumbling.

She poured a generous amount of ice cream in a bowl and handed it to Harry. "What about _Avada kedavra_? Ever wonder how they came up with it?"

Harry shook his head morosely and started eating the treat.

"Probably they saw how lightning killed people." Hermione had a glint in her eyes as she visualised the ancient witches and what they knew. "An evil wizard came up with the idea of creating a spell just as deadly as lightning."

Hermione grabbed a napkin and wiped a spot of ice cream on Harry's chin. She asked softly, "What about Apparition?"

"What about it?" replied Harry between spoonfuls of ice cream.

"Well, though male pregnancies are rare, they are not that uncommon." Hermione gazed at the shelf full of books, as if to draw inspiration from them.

"The thing is, Harry, that when a wizard is about to give birth, the child does not come out through some body channel. Instead the birth occurs through a type of Apparition."

Harry stopped eating and looked sharply at his best friend. "Really? You're not taking the piss?"

Hermione waved her arms angrily. "Course not! I'm not your husband intent on pranking you!"

She continued more softly. "You've noticed something strange in Draco's behaviour?"

"Can't say I have."

"I've observed him, Harry. In his own way, he's tender with you. You used to fight a lot before your pregnancy, but now he tries to accommodate your wishes."

Harry gazed pensively at the windowpane. "Maybe."

Hermione grabbed a rag and tried to wipe the tea stain on the tablecloth. "Draco is trying to build a strong rapport with you. An unconscious bond. That's why he allows you to freeze him when he is a ferret and doesn't try to retaliate - much."

Hermione shook her head. _I won't tell Harry about the bunny transformation. He's overwrought enough as it is._

Harry looked guiltily at his ice cream, taking another spoonful. "Why is he so patient then?"

Hermione leaned toward Harry and whispered. "When you give birth you'll apparate your baby out of the womb, together with the afterbirth. You'll be moving another person - not yourself. That demands total concentration. You'll need your husband's help to focus entirely on moving the baby."

Hermione reclined on the chair and stared at the tea stain; finally she took out her wand and vanished it. "You'll need the rapport you and Draco are nurturing."

Harry beamed when he realised the birth would not be as messy as he feared.

Hermione lifted her eyebrows. "Merlin knows how, but you two are building it."

Harry's mood changed from elation to anger quite rapidly. "Bloody wanker! That annoying furry pillock and his lies!"

Harry glared at his spoon. "I'll freeze him when he's a ferret. Will wear him around my neck like a stole!" He pushed away the bowl. "I will only let him down to help with the baby - and to make love."

Hermione shook her head, looking fondly at Harry. "There's a better way to avenge yourself, Harry. Besides the baby will need two parents."

Hermione pushed a folder towards Harry. "Tell me, does Draco know about the Horcruxes?"

Harry growled. "Probably the Unspeakable wanker found out about them on the web. Wouldn't surprise me."

"Is he more jealous of Ginny or Cho?"

"Neither. It's Krum, he figures I'm stuck on Seekers." Harry snorted. "As if!"

Hermione smiled evilly whilst she took out her quill. "This is what we'll do…"

 

 


	10. The perils of the web

Draco clicked on the link to finish his order and reclined on the chair. He crossed his arms behind his neck and mentally ticked off items on his list. I’ve ordered baby formula, nappies, and the crib. I’ve finished painting the walls of the room.

The blond stood up and made his way to the nursery. He smiled when he saw the bare room that waited for the furniture. There was ample sunlight coming from the window; the gleaming wood of the floor was polished. In the walls there was an animated mural depicting a Quidditch game. Tiny blond figures garbed in green robes chased after several golden snitches.

Harry waddled into the room, a sinister smirk adorning his face. The pregnant man frowned when he saw the diminutive Quidditch players. He took out his wand and with a flourish changed them to tiny brunets wearing red robes.

Draco glared at his husband, but Harry smiled beguilingly. “Did you get the crib?”

“Yes, charged it to our credit card.”

“What about the baby clothes?”

“Mother and Mrs Weasley are going to get them.”

Harry exchanged a smile with Draco. “Hope they don’t get angry. Remember our wedding?”

“Yes. Ron’s brothers tried to break up their fight.”

Harry sniggered. “Charlie and Bill were turned into donkeys! Fleur wasn’t happy.”

The brunet put his hand on his abdomen, smiling radiantly at Draco. “The baby’s kicking!”

Draco knelt on the floor and put his hand on Harry’s belly. When he felt a small movement, he looked up at Harry with awe. The blond leaned forward and spoke softly to the baby. “Try not to kick your daddy too much, baby; only when he deserves it.”

Harry ruffled Draco’s blond hair, too happy to chastise his husband.

At that moment the bell rang. Harry shouted, “Come in, George!”

Turning to Draco, the pregnant man said, “My escort has arrived.”

Draco stood up and brushed his robes, frowning at the tiny brunets chasing the snitches. He said distractedly, “Going somewhere?”

Harry smiled craftily. “I’ve a date with Viktor.”

“Indeed.”

Harry scowled. “That’s all you have to say?”

Draco brushed with his thumb a hoop on the wall, wondering whether to add Bludgers and Beaters to the mural. If Harry has lunch with Victoire, that means Bill and Fleur will be there. They’ll keep him out of trouble… hopefully.

The blond turned to his husband and smiled. “Have fun.”

Harry glared at Draco.

Trying to pique the blond’s curiosity, Harry said nonchalantly, “Have to go now. By the way, I left my email program open.” Harry waved his finger at Draco. “Don’t snoop, you know I hate that.”

“Whatever you say, Harry.”

Draco took out his wand and kissed Harry. “Take care. I don’t want you wandering off. You never know when you might get in trouble.”

Harry walked to the door, wondering if Hermione’s plan to exact revenge was too complicated. Maybe he should just hex Draco and be done with it.

Draco called out to him. “Kiss Vicky for me, will you?”

Harry stomped into the living room, closing the door with a bang.

Draco swished his wand, adding small Beaters and Bludgers to the mural. Now what’s got Harry’s panties in a twist?

\--

After he charmed the Bludgers so they would hit randomly the tiny Gryffindor Seekers, Draco walked back to the living room with a wicked smirk on his face. He sat down at the table and looked quizzically at Harry’s laptop. It was open to his email program.

The blond shook his head and closed the window. Harry should be more careful; everyone could read his messages and find out what he’s up to.

Draco reached his hand to grab one of the toffees which were on a dish near the centre of the table, but changed his mind at the last minute. George was here, I don’t want to become a giant canary like Harry’s cousin. Besides yellow doesn’t become me.

Draco opened the browser to Yahoo’s website and read what was trending. A Muggle prince is getting married today… security measures tight, blah, blah!

The blond smirked wryly. The prince should try getting married to the Saviour of the Wizarding World. I bet they wouldn’t be able to cope with reporters invading the wedding in their Animagus form!

Something caught Draco’s attention, he read intently the item: CDC warns public to prepare for “Zombie Apocalypse.”

The blond shook his head. What are these zombies? Sounds like furry animals to me, perhaps related to ferrets? And what’s this CDC?

Draco researched on Google and found out that it was a reputable American federal agency dealing with disease prevention. He returned to the Yahoo website and clicked the link.

He stared dumbfounded at the text, hardly believing his eyes. Flesh-eating zombies... they eat brains? By Merlin’s beard!

He scrolled down and was quite alarmed by the photos he saw. Those look like Inferi to me, though not as thin. Perhaps the American climate is more congenial for them?

Draco started biting his nails, conjuring all kinds of explanations for the news. He settled on the simplest one. These zombies are American Inferi; the new Dark Lord intends to unleash them on an unsuspecting world. Obviously the American Aurors got hold of this secret and are preparing their citizens.

He sat up with a start, almost falling off his chair. The Royal wedding! The dastardly Dark Lord will attack the Muggles with brain-eating Inferi! Probably he wants to get rid of Harry, the only one who can stop him!

Draco pushed the laptop away from him and stood up, running to the bedroom. Harry’s out meeting with Victoire! The zombies will attack him and the baby! I’ve got to save them!

The blond opened the closet and grabbed Harry’s Invisibility Cloak and a vial of Polyjuice he kept for his secret missions.

He Apparated out of the apartment.


	11. Zombies and a wedding

Draco Apparated to the middle of an alley. He was breathing rapidly and he was so nervous that he didn't think to put on the Cloak. He raised his eyes to the clear sky. Merlin, save my family from the voracious maws of the zombies! If you do, I'll gladly let Harry tie a string around my ferret belly and bounce me up and down like a yo-yo!

The blond looked around, wondering where Harry was. He decided to use the bond he shared with Harry. Its magic called to him like a strong breeze promising relief from the sweltering heat of a day spent chasing Snitches. It pointed to the north.

Draco ran but soon found his path blocked by an ornate wrought iron gate that closed the alley. Its centre was an oval about 15 inches wide, the door's motifs were interlaced fleur-de-lis.

Draco took out his wand, intent on Vanishing the pesky obstacle that barred the way to his husband, but then he realised that there were a lot of Muggles on the other end of the alley. He had to be discreet because he didn't want to Obliviate all of them.

Fondly recalling McGonagall and her lessons so long ago, Draco swished his wand energetically and transfigured the centre of the gate into soft, pink-coloured fabric. The blond grabbed it and easily twisted the oval, opening the gate and wincing at the creaking sound it made.

Draco ran to the end of the alley, holding in his hand the soft transfigured lock. He glanced at it, frowning when he saw the fleur-de-lis bunched and twisted. Should have paid more attention in class, but I was too busy looking at Harry.

He remembered the Cloak and put it on his shoulder. His training as an Unspeakable urged him to go incognito in this rescue mission. He took out the Polyjuice vial.

Draco threw the object on the ground and rushed to the place where he sensed Harry.

A minute later, a policeman noticed the pink thing lying there. He gingerly picked it up and narrowed his eyes, studying the colour. He took out his mobile and called his superior in the Palace. "Don't worry about Princess Beatrice's lost hat. I found a replacement."

Luna was rubbing her belly, observing intently the Muggles that crowded the street. Neville was beside her, holding her hand and whistling a muggle tune.

Blaise scowled at the couple, muttering about crazy Ravenclaws.

Luna lifted her strange eyeglasses and smiled at the irritated Slytherin. "Don't worry, Blaise. We'll finish soon and then we can return to Pansy. I bet she's waiting for you."

Blaise smirked whilst he gently took Luna's glasses. "Just as long as I can try that potion she's preparing."

Luna gazed dreamily at the Slytherin. "Wish I could take it too, I want to know my Animagus form." She rubbed softly her prominent belly. "But I can't risk it while I'm pregnant."

Blaise crossed his arms, huffing. "Why are we here, Luna?"

The former Ravenclaw stood on her tiptoes and took her glasses back. "We're here to watch the pucklehuns."

Blaise growled. "And these are?"

"Magical one-horned beasts. They look a bit like striped squirrels. They come out when princes get married, the last time I saw them was…"

"Ouch!" Neville cried out, rubbing the back of his head. "Something bit me!"

Luna smirked at a point just behind Neville. "Don't worry, Neville. It was just an invisible dragon intent on protecting his mate."

Blaise sniggered. "You're crazy, Luna. There are no such things!"

Luna rolled her eyes and turned her attention to the street where the bride would arrive presently.

In the outside café, Viktor Krum toyed with the napkin which held the dialogue Hermione had written for him. "Why are you so sad, Harry?"

Due to the time he'd spent playing for Puddlemere United, Krum had perfected his accent to the point it was hardly noticeable.

Harry moped into his halibut and chocolate ice cream. "Draco doesn't love me anymore!"

"Why?"

"He told me to kiss you. I'm sure he finds me too fat!"

Just two tables from them, a certain redheaded muggle woman watched with interest the two striking brunets. Susan sipped daintily from her espresso, hefting her Kindle on her other hand. Her gaze drifted between her copy of Resident Evil and the two men.

Susan was happy to see Harry with another man, but she doubted that the tall man with close-cropped hair was the right one for Harry, because he appeared to be crying into his ice cream.

At that moment a waiter came up to the table. "Excuse me, madam, but since all the tables are full due to the wedding, could this gentleman sit here?" The waiter pointed towards a tall, thin brunet man.

Susan looked up at the newcomer and beamed, patting the chair next to her. "Sure! Come sit by my side, Neville!"

"You know him… I mean, me?" said the polyjuiced Draco as he sat down gingerly.

"You don't remember we met at Carlotta's?"

Draco nodded nervously and gazed around the crowded café. When he saw Harry sitting in front of Krum, he glared at his husband, seemingly forgetting about the zombie menace.

Susan fidgeted, knowing this was the perfect opportunity to exercise her match-making abilities. She started making small talk, waving her arms towards the crowded street. "Isn't it a wonderful day for a Royal wedding?"

The blond decided to use the peppy muggle woman as a source of information about the zombie outbreak. But he was also extremely curious - and jealous - about Harry meeting Krum. He discreetly took out his wand and a toffee, casting an Unspeakable spell that would record the conversation on that table into the sweet.

Having finished the spell, Draco put his wand inside his pocket, grumbling. "That muggle prince has it easy!"

Susan lifted her eyebrows. "Ah! So you're anti-monarchist then."

Draco lifted an eyebrow, sneering. "No. But I'm sure his wife won't be toting him around under her arm like a teddy bear, threatening to wear him like a mink stole!"

Susan laughed softly. "You're so funny, Neville! I bet you could make someone very happy."

Harry was lackadaisically eating his treat when he did a double take, seeing Neville glaring heatedly at Krum's head. He narrowed his eyes, observing his demeanour - the set of his shoulders and his uncharacteristic sneer weren't very Neville-like.

Grinning in victory, Harry thought that his plan had come to fruition and discreetly kicked Viktor's leg.

The Bulgarian looked up from his coffee. "Vat?"

"You were asking me about the pregnancy, Viktor?"

"I vas?"

Harry pointed at the napkin with Hermione's handwriting. Viktor arched an eyebrow and grabbed it. Unfortunately it was soggy with coffee and hardly legible.

Viktor spread it and frowned, trying to make out the words. "You are feeling…. well? How did you …. get…. preg…?" The Seeker stared intently at the napkin whilst Harry rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, Draco was trying to charm the redheaded muggle. "Your hair is so brilliantly red. It reminds me of a Kneazle in the sun."

Susan frowned, puzzled by Neville's quirky mind. "Really?"

A waiter approached the next table, delicately holding a plate with a tall glass holding a drink which had a maraschino cherry and a thin slice of lemon. With a flourish, the man put it upon the table. "Here's your zombie, sir."

Hearing those words, Draco jumped and hastily took out his wand.


	12. The zombies and the bees

 

 

Draco stood defiantly, ready to face the voracious zombies. He moved his wand in a sweeping arc that covered the whole café.

The patrons continued their activities, drinking their espressos and lattes, talking about the events of the day. Most of them thought Draco was an enthusiastic attendee to the wedding who was waving a souvenir of the royal wedding in the form of a baton. The only muggle that suspected something amiss was the portly man seated at the next table, who clutched defensively the zombie drink to his chest, muttering, "You'll have to get your own, mate."

Watching Draco's antics, Harry ducked his head, tempted to hit it against the wooden table.

"I'm not going to get that ferret out of trouble anymore! I don't like to Obliviate people," muttered the pregnant man.

Suddenly he felt his baby kicking inside him, as if it wanted to help his other father to create mischief for Harry.

The brunet felt the urgent need to go to the bathroom. Lovingly patting his abdomen, he whispered to the baby. "You're just like your papa, aren't you, little Bilius Albus Sirius? I just hope you don't get to be a Slytherin like him."

Leaving Draco to deal with his troubles in his guise as Neville, Harry stood up. "Sorry, Viktor. I have to go to the bathroom."

Viktor nodded distractedly, trying to remember a spell to clean up the napkin which had Hermione's dialogue for him.

Harry waddled to the bathroom, massaging his belly. The baby kept moving inside him. It seemed to be playing with his kidneys as if the baby was a Beater and they were Bludgers.

"Calm down, Cho Hermione!" Harry opened the door of the restroom when he felt a particularly hard kick, as if the baby was protesting the names.

"Ouch! You'll be a perfect Beater someday, baby. Just don't practice with me!"

* * *

Meanwhile Draco was in a fighting stance; his legs firmly planted on the floor, he waved his wand threateningly at a muggle with bloodshot eyes and unkempt appearance, thinking he looked like a particularly menacing zombie.

The thin man took a sip from his coffee, trying to ease the hangover from his bachelor party. He ignored Malfoy.

Draco was intent on punishing the zombie when the sound of someone clapping beside him broke his concentration.

"This is great, Neville! You're a businessman!"

Draco frowned and turned to look at the redheaded muggle woman, who was wiggling on her seat, bursting with excitement.

"You're preparing for your Power Point presentation!" Susan pointed to Draco's wand. "That's a cute stick. What do they call it?"

Susan waved her hand in the air. "Whatever. I like your posture, it was quite aggressive. I bet you'll floor them with your slides!"

Seeing that the zombie was sitting quietly, Draco sat down again. He was very confused by Susan.

He leaned towards the woman, whispering, "You aren't worried about zombies?"

"What do you mean, Neville? You want a drink too?" Susan pointed to the chubby man at the other table, who was scowling at the pair while he hurriedly finished his drink.

Draco shook his head, wishing Granger were here to explain muggle customs to him. He said urgently, "No, I mean the ones on that website, CD or something."

Susan put the Kindle by her side, smiling broadly. "Oh, you mean the CDC's page about zombies? That was great, they did a great job grabbing people's attention so they'd go to their website and learn about preparations for possible disasters."

Draco was getting a headache, trying to understand the muggles and their strange ways. Looking towards Harry's table, Malfoy noticed that he'd returned and was talking excitedly with Krum. But Draco wanted to find out more about the zombies and concentrated on the muggle woman, secure in the knowledge that his recording toffee would faithfully preserve Harry's conversation.

Susan continued enthusiastically. "It was a neat gimmick! Heard they had a lot of visits."

His shoulders visibly drooping, Draco said disconsolately, "You mean there are no zombies?"

The muggle woman patted her Kindle. "Only in books, videogames and movies, Neville; though I've met a few in real life." She glared at her cup of coffee, growling, "Like that scum, Doctor Draco Malfoy!"

"What do you mean?" said Draco angrily. "I'm not a doctor zombie… I mean, Draco isn't!"

Susan huffed. "I can't believe the nerve of Doctor Draco! He's so handsome he believes he can do what he wants!"

Hearing the redhead muggle praising him, Draco visibly preened. Susan motioned to Harry's table. "He's going out with Harry, and the bloody cheater is married and expecting a child with his wife! It isn't fair!"

Draco was startled; he coughed and waved his arms. "A wife? I… I mean Draco doesn't have a wife! Why are you accusing him?"

"The other day I went to have an ultrasound with my friend, Carlotta." Susan leaned towards Draco and whispered conspiratorially, "The receptionist told us Draco had been there with his pregnant wife. Can you believe it?"

Draco exploded; he was tired of trying to understand the muggles and their mysterious ways. Worse, he was being accused of cheating Harry. If his husband ever found out, he could well imagine the consequences, knowing pregnant Harry's irate moods. He didn't want to spend his married life as a stuffed ferret.

"Bollocks! Harry and Draco are married, and Harry's expecting his child…" Draco shut up, knowing from his browsing on the web that muggle men did not get pregnant. He was debating whether to cast a discreet _Obliviate_ when Susan spoke, looking curiously at him.

"Neville, you're joking. Men can't get pregnant!"

Draco grasped at straws, trying to explain his outburst and convince the redhead woman - just in case Harry ever talked to her. He recalled the zombie website, and using his finely honed Slytherin mindset he quickly made up a story. "Well, it's a secret project of the CDC."

Susan raised her eyebrows. "I think the agency only promotes health?"

Draco fidgeted, clutching the edge of the table. He tried to imagine how Hermione would deal with the muggle woman. Finally smirking, he pointed to Harry, who was gesturing with his arms and pointing to his belly.

"Harry and Draco are working secretly with FAIRIES, the Federal Agency Independent Research Into Establishing…. Solutions." Draco smirked, ruffling his short-cropped black hair.

Malfoy drawled, tapping his fingers against the tablecloth. "They gallantly offered themselves as test subjects. The agency's goal is to avoid an outbreak of dragon pox by researching the male body's reaction to pregnancy."

Malfoy noted with satisfaction that Susan's eyes were glazed. The woman said slowly, as if she were in a trance, "Dragon pox?"

Draco shrugged. "It's a variation of the muggle pox; your skin becomes green and brittle, like the scales of a dragon." Malfoy leaned towards the muggle woman, whispering, "Just don't tell anyone. People might get scared."

Susan bounced on her chair, wishing she could be friends with the two blokes and help them cope with the pregnancy. After all, the poor dears probably had to deal with a lot of bureaucratic hassle just to have a child, and all this just so people wouldn't have dragon pox! Whatever that was.

"I just can't get it in my head that he's pregnant! Those Americans really are medically advanced!" Susan wondered if that was the reason her neighbor was so fat.

Susan nodded, and then she shook her head wonderingly. "So Doctor Draco isn't cheating on Harry Otter?"

Draco laughed uproariously. "Otter! Wait till I tell Harry about it!"

The redhead woman piped up, "So you know Harry? Why don't we go and sit with them?" Susan caressed distractedly her Kindle, thinking that life sometimes was stranger than any fiction she could find in a book. The redhead gathered her things and made to stand up.

Draco held up his hands, forestalling her. He didn't want Harry to find out he was polyjuiced as Longbottom. "I'm afraid to intrude. Haven't met the bloke, really. Astoria told me all about him. She's a...friend of mine."

Susan nodded and called the waiter for the check. "It's just as well. Harry's leaving anyway."

Draco looked up and noticed Harry ambling towards the corner while Krum handled a stained napkin as it was the most precious thing in the world. Shaking his head at the odd Bulgarian, Draco picked up his recording toffee when he noted Susan eyeing it hungrily.

But Susan wasn't watching the sweet, she was intently studying Draco. "Your roots are showing, Neville."

"What?" Draco was at the end of his patience with the muggle woman, however helpful she'd proved to be.

Susan touched Draco's hair. "You're turning blond, and your hair is getting longer. Please tell me-"

Before the redhead woman could finish, Draco stood up and sprinted towards Harry, throwing a gold coin on the table. Apparently the Polyjuice was wearing off. "See you around!"

"-what brand of hair dye you use!" shouted Susan after the running man.

The woman muttered softly, "Bloody hell, he's gone! And I really liked that effect. Maybe it is a CDC thing too?"

* * *

Draco lost Harry in the crowd. There were many people lining the street and it was very hard to push past them. The newly blond man cursed George and Fred for failing to escort Harry, and also Krum for letting the pregnant man go all by himself among the muggles. The Bulgarian Seeker seemed to care more for the napkin than for Harry.

Despairing of ever reaching his husband to escort him back to their apartment, Draco dived behind a lonely green BMW and transformed into his Animagus form.

The ferret scampered towards Harry's scent, zigzagging this way and that to avoid the muggles' shoes. After a pointy heel almost caught his tail, the ferret twitched his whiskers in anger. The mammal's rounded ears shuddered with concentration, seeking a clear path among the towering men and women, many of whom shrieked when they saw him, thinking that it was a humongous rat from the sewers.

Seeing a clear path just in front of a lamppost, the ferret rushed through the crowd, only to be stopped by huge hands that clamped him like they were made of steel. Draco writhed and wiggled, but it was in vain. He was trapped.

He was swiftly lifted and he saw a blond man he knew well.

Their neighbor Robert squinted at the ferret, which was glaring at the smirking muggle, his whiskers twitching menacingly.

"What do we have here? Where do you come from, little one?"

The ferret squirmed, trying to escape the relentless grip of the muggle and rush to his husband. Finally the furry mammal dooked angrily, " _What are you doing outside in broad daylight? You're not sparkling!"_

 

 

_  
_


	13. Draco's detour

 

 

 

The ferret squirmed angrily, trying to escape the relentless grasp of the smirking muggle.

In the rather evocative and poetic - albeit rodent-flavored - ferret language, Draco clucked angrily, _“Get your cold paws off my immaculate fur! May you have litters full of mangy-furred offspring!”_

The ferret glared at the muggle man, wishing he could have ears like a feline and not cute, round ones that didn’t flatten back impressively. _“I hope your incisors fall off and you can’t groom yourself!”_

Draco paused in his ferrety tirade, examining critically the man’s tousled hair. _“Come to think of it, it seems you haven’t used them in ages - you feral, disheveled muggle.”_

Robert smiled condescendingly at the furious furry mammal. “My, but you look nice when you stare at me so lovingly, and you cluck so cutely!”

_“It’s called dooking, you uneducated rabbit! Didn’t your mother teach you anything? She was probably busy cavorting with neighborhood polecats!”_ Draco tried to use the deathly stare his father used so well but it failed to impress the muggle, coming from the white mammal.

“You’ll be a perfect pet! I bet you’ll be useful to catch the mouse that scampers around the fridge at night.” Robert’s eyes shined, imagining how he would look promenading around with a leashed ferret. Undoubtedly the cute animal would help him catch the eyes of the handsome fellows, like the strangely alluring fat man that lived right next to him.

The ferret hissed, the sound similar like a snake defending its nest. _“I’m no one’s pet - except Harry’s! And you can solve your computer troubles yourself! Get a mechnician, you lousy mix of a polecat and a Kneazle!”_

The ferret flexed his sharp claws threateningly, making the mental note to get a manicure soon, preparing to scratch the obnoxious muggle. He didn’t get a chance because Robert held the ferret's arms in a vise, smirking infuriatingly at the white mammal.

Draco smirked angrily, his whiskers rotating in a counterclockwise direction which Robert found very endearing.

Holding the squirming and snarling ferret with his right hand, Robert petted Draco’s nose with his other one, making tsking sounds. “You’re so cute, little on… OUCH!”

Draco bit the muggle’s thumb with all his might. Robert threw him aside and the ferret sailed through the air. Fortunately due to his unmatched Quidditch skills, the ferret twisted in midair like a cat and landed on his paws. The curious onlookers just saw a bright flash of white fur; most shook their heads, thinking it was an angry cat.

Before the moaning muggle could catch him, Draco darted away, disappearing among the assembled men and women. The ferret smirked in triumph, running madly through the thick crowd, evading grasping hands that tried to stop him.

The mammal shook his head as he swerved to the left, running through an alley. _Bloody hell, I think zombies would be easier to deal with! At least they only want to eat my brain, not make me their pet._

The ferret stopped suddenly when he smelt dog in front of him. Just outside the alley’s exit, a huge fawn bullmastiff growled. The dog pierced Draco with an angry stare, his short black muzzle twisting in a snarl.

Draco eyed the canine warily _. I could use the kung fu moves the muggle instructor taught us during Unspeakable training, but I doubt they’d be useful. I lack the needed leverage._

The dog pawed the ground, snarling at the white mammal. But then a child’s voice chastised the animal. “Bad doggie! Stay away from him!”

A girl with black ponytails, clad in jeans and a sweatshirt, stepped resolutely in front of the snarling dog. Draco rushed towards her, interposing himself in front of the girl.

He raised himself on his hind paws, thinking that if the dog attacked, he had just enough time to transform and Apparate himself and the girl to a safe place.

The little girl waved her index finger at the dog. “You shouldn’t attack beautiful ferrets, Mr. Dog. You’ve been bad, very bad!”

Draco preened _. Finally someone that recognizes my beauty and my species. What a smart girl!_

The dog appeared to be chastised by the girl and rushed away, or maybe his owner was calling him.

“Alice, where did you go to?” A woman rushed towards them, clutching her bag and a small muggle device. “The royals are coming this way. I want to--“

The woman, presumably Alice’s mother, frowned at Draco. “What are you doing with this animal?”

Alice scuffed her trainers on the cobbled street, putting her hands behind her waist. “Mmmh.. he’s a ferret. A big girl told me to care for him until she came back. His name is Vulpix, by the way.”

Draco stared fixedly at the girl’s green eyes, pondering. _Alice is brave like a Gryffindor, and rather sly like me. She’d be perfect in either house. She also looks like Harry._

The girl’s mother shook her head, smiling fondly. “Alice, I’ve told you a million times; you are obsessed by the Pokémon.”

The ferret frowned, his whiskers twitching. _And I like Vulpix. It lacks the grandeur of Vulpecula, but it has potential. I’ll have to research those pokie things in the web._

The ferret nodded determinedly _._ _If we have a girl, I’ll name her Alice Vulpix definitely. I just have to convince Harry._

The woman hefted her device and peered at it. She knelt down in front of Alice and pointed at it. “Look, they’re showing Princess Beatrice now. Isn’t she wearing a lovely hat?”

Staring fixedly at the screen, the ferret couldn’t believe his eyes. _What’s the Princess doing, wearing that? Doesn’t she know it is a transfigured gate? I was in a hurry, trying to get to Harry… Harry!_

Remembering his husband, Draco dashed away, to Alice’s disappointment.

 

\--

 

Harry closed the door of the apartment, waddling into the living room. _Where’s Draco? I wonder if Hermione’s plan will work. Viktor said his lines though he fumbled a bit. I reckon I could sense magic around us._

Harry sat on the chair in front of the table, peering at the laptop _. Or maybe the hormones make me feel this. And I’m hungry again. Have to feed my little Gryffindor._

Harry patted lovingly his belly and reached to take a toffee from the dish near the laptop.

The Auror chewed, his fingers gliding across the metal surface of the computer. _Wonder if Draco saw the emails? Maybe I should follow Hermione’s advice and not think so much about revenge, but pranking Draco is so much fun!_

Harry gasped, feeling some strange magic coursing through his body. _Bloody hell, what’s happening?_

Harry felt his body shrinking; he looked at his hand incredulously. It was growing black fur and getting smaller by the second. He felt an itch in his ears and could sense them growing larger. The Auror squinted, seeing whiskers growing out of his cheeks.

Harry remembered George’s devilish grin as he walked into the dining room. He realized with dismay he’d fallen for the twins’ oldest trick. Only this time he wasn’t turning into a giant canary.

At the end of the transformation, a small furred body hid beneath Harry’s maternity robes, and only two black bunny ears peered from the collar.

 

 

 


	14. The plot bunny

 

 

Harry hopped away from his robes, his right ear flopping over his eye. He squinted, looking at his paws with growing alarm _. I can’t see very well. Probably I’m a sloth! By Merlin, Fred and George transformed me into a one-eyed, pregnant sloth! What if my baby turns out to be a good-for-nothing, lazy pureblood as her Unspeakable father who should’ve protected me!_

Harry blurrily saw his glasses two feet away. He hopped towards them and tried to grab them with his paw, but he couldn’t hold them. The bunny’s whiskers twitched angrily as he glared at the glasses. _WHERE ARE MY THUMBS? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GRAB THINGS WITHOUT THEM? GOING TO KILL FRED AND GEORGE... AND DRACO TOO!!_

The bunny’s wild magic caused the apartment walls to tremble; a golden Auror trophy fell down from a shelf and also Draco’s blown-up portrait. Due to the bunny’s anger, its glass cracked in a strangely regular jigsaw pattern.

Shaking his furry head, Harry cast a wandless spell to shrink his glasses and affix them to his muzzle. Then he looked quizzically at his right paw. _Doesn’t look like a sloth’s paw. Don’t know if they have fur._

The bunny looked back and saw his robes lying on the floor. He scowled at them. _My clothes are getting dirty! After all the trouble I had tricking Draco… I mean convincing him so we could go to that boutique. I can’t leave them there!_

Harry twitched his pink nose and sniffed. _I don’t like the sardine smell. In fact I feel a bit nauseous. Wish I had some lettuce and broccoli with baby carrots. But first…_

The bunny concentrated and raised his right paw towards the clothes which flew chaotically to the bedroom.

The rabbit turned to look at Draco’s broken portrait with a ferocious mien. _Doesn’t matter that you’re looking so cute with your round ears and beady eyes, Draco. If you were here I’d--  
_

 

  


Harry shook his head and his ear finally turned sideways, freeing his eye and allowing him binocular vision. He sighed in relief and examined his paw critically, noticing his whiskers moving in his peripheral vision. _Wonder what animal I am?  
  
_ He peered up at the mirror on the wall, which seemed so far above. _How am I going to get up there? Fred, when I get to you, you’ll wish you hadn’t worn that Prussian helmet in the Final Battle!_

The angry bunny decided to use his broom. He wandlessly cast _Accio_ and his prized Stratonimbus shot out of the bedroom, knocking over a porcelain peacock - Lucius’ wedding gift to the former Seekers.

The black rabbit smirked when he heard the crash and saw the splintered pieces of the bird, but when the broom reached him Harry realized he couldn’t mount it. _Who designed this bloody thing? It’s too unwieldy. Bloody twins, I’m going to kidnap them and leave them tied and naked in front of Romilda Vane’s apartment. See how they like that!_

Harry decided to levitate to the mirror, pondering what spell to cast. _I reckon I can’t use Wingardium leviosa… maybe Slothium leviosa? No, that would be too risky._

The rabbit’s paw touched the rim of the glasses, one nail neatly scratching its surface as he meditated which spell to use. Finally the bunny frowned and shook his head so the stubborn floppy ear wouldn’t obstruct his vision; he decided to cast _‘Harriardium leviosa.’_

\-- 

Mrs. Edwina Thistlewaite touched lovingly the smooth leather edge of her diary as she finished writing. She leaned towards the table to grab her cup of black coffee, but changed her mind at the last minute.

She peered at the page through her bifocals and began reading to herself.

_Dear Diary._

_Actually I feel a bit silly talking to you as if you’d write back. Those things don’t happen, do they? I wish they did though._

_I’m worried about Carlotta. She seems withdrawn lately. I should’ve prevailed on the girl, shouldn’t have left her dwell in the wild London scene. I think it’s caught up with her, tainting her mind with visions of gothic-dressed, pregnant men._

_I haven’t finished reading Agatha Christie’s ‘Murder on the Orient Express.’ I so wanted to revisit the book after watching Albert Finney in the film, but…_

Mrs. Thistlewaite touched her grey hair tied in a prim bun, gazing through the open window at the building opposite hers. She started to reach towards the binoculars her daughter Carlotta had given her on her birthday for bird-watching. Finally she continued reading her entry.

_… I have been distracted lately, dear Diary. The tenants of the building across the street are ever so much more interesting than dear Agatha’s book, I’m afraid. There was a nice young man that sparkled when I watched him at the window. Though he is very polite, I think he looks a bit suspicious - perhaps I’m beginning to think like the great Hercule Poirot._

_The most interesting people are a couple of striking young men, blond and brunet. I think they’re practicing to get a show in a casino in Las Vegas, like Siegfried & Roy. I swear they have the strangest animals around; I nearly choked on my gingerbread cookie when I watched a white bear prowling inside their apartment! Their landlord must love them very much to allow them such liberties. _

_I don’t want to be indiscreet, dear Diary, but they are very naughty young men. What they get up to! I blush just thinking about it._

_They have a domesticated animal I see scurrying around from time to time, a ferret that the handsome brunet likes to chase around the apartment. Such a nice man, if a bit overweight. I think when he grows old he could play Poirot, just like Sir Peter Ustinov._

Mrs. Thistlewaite took a sip of her coffee, trying to resist temptation, but she finally gave in and grabbed the binoculars, watching intently Harry and Draco’s apartment window. Her mouth opened in surprise as she held the binoculars close to her glasses. After a minute had passed she put them down and hurriedly finished her coffee; then she shakily grabbed her fountain pen and began writing on the leather-bound book. Mrs. Thistlewaite’s usually neat cursive handwriting was a bit sloppy as she finished her entry for the day.

_I was right, Diary. They are magicians! There’s a black bunny levitating in front of the mirror! I think they’re better than Siegfried and David Copperfield combined because I can’t see them in the apartment. These fine young men are really an astounding act!_

\-- 

Harry descended gently to the floor with a soft thumping sound. His emerald green eyes peered from behind his glasses as he looked to the kitchen. _I’m a rabbit, so that explains why I have a craving for baby carrots. I can’t just hop around; it’ll be bad for my stomach and the baby inside. Wonder how pregnant rabbits manage it?_

At that moment Harry felt the wards around the apartment flicker as somebody stepped through the Floo. This was confirmed a moment later when a man’s voice called, “Draco… Potter, are you home?”

Harry panicked, his ears sticking straight up. _By Merlin’s wrinkly carrot, that’s Snape! I don’t want him to see me as a rabbit, I have to escape!_

Before the bunny could move, the Potions Master swept imperiously into the living room, his robes billowing impressively as he looked around. “Draco, I’ve just come back from Romania. I’m afraid those uncultured vamp--"

Severus stopped suddenly, watching the furry animal on the floor. His keen gaze immediately noticed the round eyeglasses and the small patch of white fur, zigzagging like lightning, on the bunny’s forehead.

Severus sneered at the rabbit. “What do we have here? I see a new addition to Potter’s menagerie. This must surely be Granger-Weasley’s doing. The woman dreams about Potter as a rabbit, it’s the uppermost thought when I peek at her studious mind through Legilime--“

Snape crossed his arms, musing to himself as Harry silently fumed. “But why I am telling you this? You’re a rabbit after all. I bet not too bright, like Potter himself.”

Harry peered at Snape from the floor. _Those robes seem funnier from here. I should give him the address of that boutique. Snape would surely look better with maternity robes. By Merlin’s limp broccoli sprout! His noggin is even bigger from below!_

Snape reached down and held the struggling rabbit, lifting Harry up and studying intently the bunny’s eyes. “Potter must feed you a lot of carrots, bunny. I think I’ll call you… Pottsy.”

 _In your dreams, Snape! Let me go, you bat!_ thought the panicked bunny.

Severus touched softly Harry’s forehead, his gaze dreamy as he beheld Harry’s eyes. He said in a soft voice, “You have Lily’s eyes, bunny.”

Severus’ unusual tone of voice calmed Harry somewhat.

Snape sat down on the couch, holding the bespectacled bunny on his lap. “Let me tell you, Lily was a wonderful woman. Though I hate to admit it, Potter does share her qualities from time to time.”

Harry’s floppy ear fell on his eye as he listened enraptured to the unusual confession of the Potions Master.

The soft silk of Severus’ white ruffle wrist cuff touched Harry’s furry forehead as the man continued, “Potter’s been good for Draco, bunny. But I do think he’s a bit obsessed with Animagi, after all that’s why I went to Romania.”

Snape gazed around the apartment and realizing that there was no one there but the rabbit, he scowled angrily, continuing in a sharp tone. “I bet Draco and Potter don’t take good care of you, Pottsy. Obviously they feed you too much and leave you alone while they gallivant around town.”

Harry glared at Snape, his whiskers vibrating not unlike the wings of the Snitch. _I’m not fat! And Draco is the one who gallivants and doesn’t care about me!_

Unaware of the bunny’s thoughts, Snape went on. “I have a potion I need to finish, Pottsy. I’m loath to leave you alone while those two irresponsible wizards forget about their pet. You see, Longbottom gave me a special variety of Amazonian carrots.”

Harry narrowed his eyes at Severus. _Neville’s plants tend to be a bit dangerous!_

Mirroring Harry’s thoughts as if he’d used _Legilimency_ on the black rabbit, Severus confided,“Longbottom calls to mind what Hagrid would be if he loved plants. Just imagine what the two would do together, Pottsy!”

The Potions Master and Harry shivered.

Snape leaned down and whispered to the bunny, “I tested the plants and they are not carnivorous. What do you say, Pottsy, you want some juicy, crunchy orange carrots?”

Harry licked his lips; those vegetables suddenly seemed very tempting.

Snape stood up and went to the Floo, cradling Harry tenderly on his arms.

\-- 

Ten minutes later, a disheveled Draco opened the door to their apartment, breathing rapidly. “Harry, those muggles of yours are vicious! The zombies wouldn’t stand a chance against them!”

Draco’s gaze swept through the living room, noting the closed laptop and the shards of Lucius’ peacock. “Harry, where are you?”

He smirked, picking up a piece of porcelain feather. “I see you finally broke Father’s present. Didn’t like it either, those bloody birds dared peck at me!”

Draco grew alarmed when he saw his portrait leaning against a bookshelf, the glass broken in a curious pattern. He was sure Harry wouldn’t have destroyed it even if he was very angry. After all, it was Harry who had taken it and had it especially framed at that antique shop; the Auror frequently gazed fondly at it - too much so in Draco’s opinion.

The blond hurried to the bedroom and saw Harry’s maternity robes thrown haphazardly upon the bed. He bent down to touch the soft fabric, his magic searching desperately for the brunet. The bond he shared with his husband told him he was far away, and Draco despaired.

He took out his wand and conjured his _Patronus,_ intent on getting help. He voiced the message the silvery bat would carry to Ron. “Weasley, someone broke into our apartment and kidnapped Harry! I need your help!”

 

 


	15. Musteltongue

 

 

Draco paced back and forth around the living room as he waited for Weasley and Granger. He took out his recording toffee and put it on the table, next to Harry’s laptop. Despite his abilities as an Unspeakable, he felt it was better if Auror Weasley took charge of the upcoming investigation.

Squinting at the laptop, Draco decided to look up Harry’s calendar and see if he was meeting anyone else today.

However, when he managed to open Harry’s email program, after much fumbling about he inadvertently opened his husband’s latest message.

From: [liondisgruntled@wizardingmore.com](mailto:liondisgruntled@wizardingmore.com)

To: [bulgarianseeks@notvantdurmstrangettes.net](mailto:bulgarianseeks@notvantdurmstrangettes.net)

_Viktor:_

_I’m glad you made time in your hectic schedule to meet with me. I’ve been having doubts about my pregnancy. Can’t confide in Draco, he’s too busy right now. Besides the prat doesn’t take care of my needs. \0/ \0/ \0/_

_*winks, winks*_

_Your fellow Seeker_

_Harry_

_PS. Hermione says hi_   
  


\--  
  


Draco closed the laptop fiercely, pushing it towards the dish with the toffees. He grumbled, “Winking at Krum, Harry? Just what is it with you and Seekers? Cho, me and now Krum?”

At that moment Ron came out of the Floo, rubbing his shoulders to get rid of the ash.

“Received your Patronus, Malfoy. Hermione couldn’t come.”

“Why? We need her right now. She can come up with the oddest spells when you need them!”

Ron smiled, recalling the last time his wife came up with just the right spell when he was tired. Shaking his head, he approached the table. “She’s busy at the Ministry. Erum Pent, the Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, called her. Apparently there’s a furore, many people have been fined because they are illegal Animagi. Turned out they weren’t.”

Ron frowned as he sat down next to Draco. “Wonder who’s the dummy that caused this.”

Draco put his elbows on the table and leant his head, sobbing. “I don’t have time for this. Harry was kidnapped! See that?” He pointed to the photograph of himself that lay on the floor, cracked.

The blond continued while Ron awkwardly patted his shoulder. Weasley took out his wand and with a flourish he cast a _Reparo_ and fixed the ferret photograph.

Despite being a fellow Animagus, the redhead didn’t know how to console the blond Unspeakable.

Between heartfelt sobs, Draco went on, “Harry met Krum today. He went home and I followed but many muggles were attending the Royal wedding and I had a hard time getting back. They’re all crazy; that princess was wearing my transfigured gate on her head!”

Draco looked up and wiped his tears. “Looked pretty neat though, maybe I should do more of that. Bet McGonagall would be proud!”

“Muggles are strange! Even the princesses!” Ron reached to the dish to grab a toffee, but Draco grabbed his elbow.

“Don’t!”

“Why?”

“Because Harry ate Lady Gaga!”

“Blimey, he’s a cannibal now!” Ron goggled, his blue eyes resembling those of a house-elf. He put his head on the table, moaning, “And I liked her music!”

“Cannibal? What are you on about, Weasley?” Draco pointed to the dish, which unknown to the two men had the twins’ invention. “I meant the toffee.”

“Explain yourself, Malfoy!”

“In the department, Jones came up with the brilliant idea of recording toffees.” Draco picked up the sweet and held it between his thumb and index. “Since Harry says the computer is getting full, I put the music you gave me into one of these.”

“And?” Ron held up his hand before Draco could answer. “Let me guess. Harry had a craving for sweets and ate it.”

Draco nodded. “He kept gurgling _‘Judaaasss’_ all during dinner. And the album was to be a surprise for his birthday!”

Remembering his husband’s penchant for getting into trouble, Draco pointed to the toffee. “I recorded his conversation with Krum. Perhaps it will enlighten us.”

Draco took out his wand and cast the spell _‘Priori recordatione.’_

Instantly the voices of the patrons at the café came through the tiny sweet.

Ron cocked his head, missing his trusty iPod earphones. “Can’t you make it steer?”

“What?”

The redhead spread his arms. “Come from both sides, you know?”

“No, that’s another spell. Now let’s hear it.”

“… Don’t you have something to ask, Viktor?” Harry’s tinny voice came from the toffee in the middle of the table. Draco noted that he sounded irritated, as usual.

“Wat you mean, Harry?”

“Something about you-know-what?”

“I’m trying!”

Draco and Ron leaned towards the middle of the table when they heard Harry grumble something about thick-headed Seekers.

“Let me read my napkin,” said Viktor.

Draco looked at Ron, raising an eyebrow. He mouthed the words, _‘crazy Krum.’_

“Ah, at last! Let me ask you this, Harry,” said Krum in a loud voice, “are your hormones bothering you?”

Draco heard his husband huffing. He could visualize Harry’s tousled hair as he brushed it aside to glare at Krum. It was a gesture Harry often used with him.

“Not my hormones, Viktor! Why do people keep saying that? It’s the horcrux!”

“Ah, Hermione wrote me that,” said Krum.

Harry’s words came in a rush and when Draco realized their import, he trembled.

“Hermione told me she suspects I got pregnant thanks to Voldemort’s horcrux in me! That it didn’t die completely! And I’m worried about the baby. What will Draco do when he finds out?”

With a shaky swish of his wand, Draco turned off the toffee.

Squaring his shoulders, Draco said with conviction, “Harry should’ve told me this! Of course I’ll love the baby, even if she has a bit of Voldemort, she’ll be my Harry’s!”

“That’s right, mate!” Ron clapped Draco’s shoulder. “We mammals know to care for our young!”

Draco balled up his fist and punched the table. “Someone knows this and kidnapped Harry! They want the baby’s magic. After all she is the daughter of Harry and,” he continued in a whisper, “a part of Voldemort!”

“Don’t worry, Malfoy.” Ron said heartily, trying to be to Draco what he often was to Harry, a stout shoulder to rely on. “We’ll get Harry back. Hope Hermione comes back soon, I’m sure she’ll know more about how to get the horcrux out of the baby.”

“My baby will have a horcrux?” Draco cried brokenly, looking forlornly at the table.

The redhead, trying to lift the spirits of the distraught Animagus, pointed to the photograph that lay on the floor. “Malfoy, Hermione has been grumbling that you haven’t sent her your Animagus photo for her files. Don’t you have a camera?”

“Now, with Harry missing, you think about that?”

Ron shrugged. “You know how the Ministry works. Better safe than sorry.”

Grumbling, Draco pointed to the photo that lay against the chiffonier. “Isn’t that enough?”

“It’s too big. Besides, it doesn’t show your body. The Ministry wants documentation of the whole animal.”

“Whatever you say, Weasley. After you take it, I’m going to the Minister himself and demand that he gets Harry back!”

Walking tiredly without his customary swagger, Draco made his way to the chiffonier. When he was near the photograph, he transformed without the usual warmth that accompanied his becoming a ferret now that Harry was missing.

Meanwhile, Ron had grabbed the digital camera that was on the lowermost right drawer. Taking several steps back, he looked at the back of the camera. “Dad taught me that looking through--"

He pushed the zoom button, jumping back when he saw a giant ferret glaring at him from the LCD panel.

“Malfoy, could you stand up? That way we’ll get a full body shot. I’m not sure how the dratted camera works.”

The ferret stood up, holding his body immobile and putting his right paw on the edge of the chiffonier. He turned his head to look at his photo. _Well, I must say I’m not surprised that Harry loves me as a ferret. Those round ears look quite handsome on me._

He wriggled his neck. _Though I think my neck fur needs trimming. Soon as Harry comes back, I’ll ask him to do it. Bloody whiskers, they look like Harry’s hair! It must be contagious._

“Turn your face… sorry, your muzzle to the right.”

The ferret dooked angrily, _“What’s taking you so long, Weasley?”_

“It’s the bloody camera!” Ron looked up from the viewfinder, frowning. “Wait, I understood you!”

_“It’s not surprising, Weasley. We’re both Mustelidae,”_ chittered Draco.

“Mustili… what?” Ron took the shot and put the camera on the table. He waved his hand at the ferret. “Never mind. Just think how useful this will be on the field!”

The ferret dooked contentedly, _“Besides, it’s something Harry can’t do; I bet he’ll be jealous that we can speak in Musteltongue.”_

Draco lowered his upper body. His beady eyes shined with malice as he smirked, his whiskers spreading every which way, not unlike his photograph.

\--

   
  
\--  
 

 Meanwhile, Harry nibbled contentedly the tip of a gargantuan, juicy Amazonian carrot. It was so big that he had trouble wrapping his paws around it. He was on the chair next to the potions bench where Severus was stirring a brew counter clockwise.

Feeling an itch on his furry forehead, the black bunny rubbed it with his right paw. He noticed the Potions Master staring intently at him.

Harry looked up at the man, blinking bunnishly. _By Merlin’s limp celery stalk, why does Snape keep looking at me? And doesn’t he know any spells to make his hair less greasy?_

The cutting utensil that Snape was holding on his left hand fell to the floor with a loud thunk. The Potions Master bent down to pick it up, smirking gleefully once he was sure the bunny hadn’t noticed the brief _Legilimency_ moment.

Snape returned to stirring his brew as he spoke to the bunny. “I wonder how you can live with Potter and Draco, Pottsy. It is a known fact that ferrets kill bunnies.”

Harry shuddered, glaring at the man as his whiskers twitched. _For your information, Snape, Draco wouldn’t kill me! I think… though when he gets angry…_

The Potions Master grabbed a stalk of a strange, spiny plant. Breaking it in pieces, he continued, “I’m sorry I had to leave them. Spending those months in Romania was hard, Pottsy. I was following a theory I read in _‘Vampires, a history’_ by _Strom Bakker._ He posits that vampires are descended from bat Animagi. And I thought--"

The bunny snorted. _You thought what, Snape? That you were descended from them?_

Snape glared at the bunny, waving the stirrer in the air. “For your information, Pottsy, I wanted to see if they could tell me how to become an Animagi!”

Harry grinded his teeth softly whilst Snape’s smooth voice told a tale of woe. “The vampires didn’t prove… cooperative. They’re rather reclusive fellows. It was wasted time and I fear I wasn’t here in the crucial first months of Potter’s pregnancy.”

Harry’s bunny heart started beating more rapidly. _By Merlin! Why are they crucial?_

It seemed as if Snape had heard the bunny’s mental monologue, for the Potions Master continued, “The mother, or in this case, Potter - they have to exercise. Muggles recommend yoga or swimming.”

The bunny shook his head dubitatively. _I wonder if chasing my ferret around the department was exercise enough._

“Potter should have eaten enough protein and vitamins both for himself and the baby. I tried to mail them the advice by owl post, but the vampires had the nasty habit of interrupting me. Plus garlic is not particularly attractive to owls… indeed.”

Snape finished stirring with a flourish, pointing to the cauldron with his right hand. “Actually, Pottsy, this is a supplement for Potter. It has the magical vitamins he’ll need.”

But Harry was more interested in the carrot. He shook his head so he could see from both eyes, the floppy ear kept him from gauging the exact distance to the giant vegetable. He missed Snape’s words and only when he heard those dreaded words did he pay attention.

“-- Dark Magic. Did you know, Pottsy, that it’s actually difficult for male wizards to get pregnant?”

Harry pricked up his ears and the Potions Master smirked, remarking offhandedly, “Your ears behave like you were Bugs Bunny. That’s where your name comes from, rabbit. Lily loved cartoons, she told me about him.”

_Come on, Snape, out with it! You can talk about my mother any old time and I’ll listen, but now what’s with Dark Magic?_ grunted Harry.

“As I was saying before, Pottsy, in order to get pregnant, the carrier male has to be quite submissive. Judging from what I’ve seen of Draco’s life, Potter is anything but.”

_You’ve got it right, Snape!_

“I told Draco he shouldn’t use Dark Magic to get Potter pregnant, but I fear he didn’t heed my advice… as usual.” Snape turned his face so the bunny wouldn’t notice his sinister smirk.

_WHAT!_

Before Severus could continue, a sweet contralto voice came from the Floo. “Severus, are you home? We need you… Draco needs you most desperately.”

Snape went to the fire and knelt down. “What happened, Narcissa?”

Narcissa’s face, exquisite even through the distorting flames, grimaced with anguish as she answered, “Lucius was in the gardens, training to become a tiger Animagus. He was stalking his albino peacocks.”

Snape waved his hand. “Nothing new there, Cissa, he’s been doing it for years. Get to the point!”

“Don’t rush me, Severus! Anyway I received a Floo call from Draco. He’s quite worried because someone kidnapped Harry!”

Severus looked sideways at the bunny. “I doubt someone could do that, Cissa. Potter is a very able, though thick-headed, wizard.”

Narcissa shook her head. “We need you, Severus. We cannot lose the next Malfoy heir, besides Harry is lovable. I so wanted to buy him those exclusive robes from the Milanese couturiers.”

Harry blinked; his pink nose twitched as if he smelt a particular delicious scent, his ears moving around like radar dishes. _I love those Italian robes with leather lapels!_

“Harry wouldn’t be missing if they lived in the Manor. Its wards can withstand powerful magic.” Narcissa glared, shaking her head angrily. “I’ve told Draco they should move with us. After this he’ll change his opinion.”

_Wait! Living with Narcissa and Lucius? No way!_ Harry squeaked; his nose twitching like crazy.

Severus turned to reassure the bunny. “Don’t worry, Pottsy. I doubt Draco will contradict Potter, he’s a henpecked husband!”

“Severus, I’ll be waiting at their apartment.” Narcissa scrunched up her nose at the bunny. “They need more space, that place is full of nosy neighbours!”

After the call ended, Severus grabbed the fat bunny under his arms. “Pottsy, it seems that our work is never done. Potter and Draco need me, again!”

_Indeed!_

Severus and the bunny disapparated.

 

 


	16. The buck stops here

 

 

"Where is my peacock?" Lucius waved his cane at the shelf where the white porcelain bird used to be.

"Don't know, Father. Maybe the kidnappers broke it?" Draco nervously opened and closed Harry's laptop without meeting his father's eyes. He didn't want to tell Lucius his precious gift was certainly destroyed.

Lucius tapped his cane against the shelf. "That settles it. The kidnappers must be Muggles! Only they would destroy such beauty!"

"Or maybe they had taste," muttered Ron. Draco nudged the redhead's elbow whilst he sought to fight back tears. He was quite worried about his husband's fate and his parents coming over and scolding him wasn't helping any.

Lucius reclined on his cane, which had the golden head of a tiger. Ever since he had been freed from the Dark Lord's reign of terror, the Malfoy patriarch had foresworn snakes.

"Draco, I wasn't too keen on your relationship with Potter. You'll recall our vehement disagreements…" After Draco nodded sullenly, Lucius went on. "But I relented. Circumstances made me change my mind."

"You mean, mother did," mumbled Draco low under his breath.

Lucius hit the wooden floor with his cane. "That may be, but you seem to have misplaced the next Malfoy heir!"

"The next Potter heir!" interrupted Ron, scowling at the blond man, who sniffed and turned his head, suddenly quite interested in the chiffonier with the ferret photo.

Draco spluttered. "Didn't misplace him, father! Someone kidnapped him!"

"Draco, your Potter is quite able to fight magic. I should know." Lucius smiled wryly. "Maybe he went willingly?"

"He wouldn't!" retorted the younger blond.

The exchange between father and son was interrupted by Narcissa, who was peering from the window at the building on the other side of the street. "Draco, there's a woman who's looking at me. She has those things you use to watch Quidditch."

She pointed a slim hand towards Mrs Thistlewaite's apartment.

Draco shrugged. "Perhaps she's watching birds? Muggles have odd habits, mother."

"I don't think so, Draco. She has a book on her hand."

Draco cocked an eyebrow at his mother's back. "How do you know? It's far away."

Narcissa left the window and walked towards the centre of the room, answering her son's question. "A magnifying spell, of course."

The Malfoy matriarch was startled by the huge blown-up ferret photo that leaned against the chiffonier. Under the effects of her spell, it looked like an enraged polar bear. She staggered back and with a swish of her wand muttered hastily, _'Finite incantatem.'_

Narcissa glared at the ferret on the photo. "Draco, I strongly disapprove of two grown men, about to become fathers, having this…"

She trailed off, sniffing haughtily. "Rodent photo."

"I'm not a rodent!" Draco scowled at his mother as he mentally damned to the nether hells those kidnappers that made it necessary to have his parents in the apartment.

Narcissa crossed her arms, tapping impatiently with her foot. "I don't recall caring for a ferret when you had dragon pox, or sending you mice in your care packages at Hogwarts."

"Harry took the photo." Ron piped up, mindful of how mothers behaved when they got angry.

Narcissa nodded curtly to Weasley. "Thank you, Ron. This fixation with your ferret form worries me, Draco."

"I'm not the one who's fixated…"

Narcissa went on, ignoring her son's words. "I hope you will grow out of it. I shudder to think what would happen if you had your portrait done as a ferret. It would clash with the décor of the Manor, not to mention the reactions of the other portraits. Your father's ancestors are a very narrow-minded lot, just like him."

Lucius growled. "I'm not--"

Narcissa smiled sweetly. "The Death Eaters, dear?"

Lucius shut up, mumbling in Draco's direction. "Potter better show up soon, son."

\--

Hermione walked rapidly in the hall, Blaise right behind her.

"For the last time, Granger, I need your help!" Blaise looked fearfully towards the other end of the hall, motioning for Hermione to hurry.

She leisurely brushed aside a curl of her hair. "And for the last time, Zabini, I don't work in that department!"

Hermione knocked on the door, grimacing when Lucius opened it.

"Granger, Blaise. Do come in." Lucius nodded curtly as he muttered softly. "Perhaps you can distract _her._ "

Blaise gently pushed Hermione towards the living room as he closed the door. But he was too late. A flurry of letters slipped through the almost-closed door.

Blaise tried to escape the flying missives by running towards the kitchen but it was in vain.

Ron turned to Draco and muttered, "Howlers, I guess."

The letters followed Blaise whilst Draco shook his head, grimacing; this reminded him of the time Harry sent him several Howlers when he missed Teddy's check-up at St. Mungo's.

"ILLEGAL ANIMAGUS! THE FINE IS 500 GALLEONS! PAY UP!" shouted the unfurling letters whilst Ron and Draco exchanged a very guilty look.

"How many times must I tell you I'm no cat Animagus?" Blaise yelled at the impertinent parchments, ensconced safely behind the kitchen counter.

Lucius called out after Zabini. "Wait, Blaise! Won't you tell me your secret? I've tried to become a tiger but nothing ever happens. Did you perchance use Severus' potion?"

Draco heard Blaise rummaging through the kitchen drawers. "Draco, do you have some sweets? Those letters scared me!" Blaise's voice came muffled through the door as the missives continued yelling.

"Sure, in the uppermost shelf next to the refrigerator. Just… don't eat the toffees or you'll start singing arias!" shouted Draco.

Hermione raised her eyebrows as the blond hastened to explain. "It's a new technique in the Department that allows people to record conversations."

She sighed wearily. "I wish I had it; then I'd use it to find out who messed up with my Animagi spreadsheets. Many people have received those warnings, even poor Seamus and Dean. The letters arrived when they were, you know..."

Hermione blushed, averting her eyes from the smirking blond as he nodded understandingly. "If that happened to Harry and me, we'd be traumatised for sure."

She rubbed her knuckles, scowling. "As soon as I find out who's guilty of this mess, I'll sock them but good!"

Ron and Draco gulped.

\--

At that moment the Potions Master walked out from the Floo, holding a fat black bunny in his arms.

Narcissa greeted Snape with a shrug. "About time you got here, Severus." She grimaced when she saw the bunny. "What are you doing with that… black buck?"

Harry grunted; his ears pricked up as his nose twitched rapidly. _By Merlin's veggies! Narcissa smells like the Amazonian carrots!_

Hermione squealed when she saw the bespectacled rabbit, as did Ron. The two Gryffindors approached the Potions Master.

"Give him to me!" pleaded Hermione whilst she squirmed.

"Mate, can you hear me?" Ron bent down to touch the white zigzagging strip of fur on the rabbit's forehead.

Harry squealed. _Hear you loud and clear, Ron!_

Ron shook his head, saying in a mournful voice. "I can't understand him, Malfoy!"

Draco petted carefully the bunny's head, mindful of his husband's moods. "It's because he isn't one of us, Weasley. Musteltongue doesn't work with rabbits, only with weasels and ferrets."

Harry's left ear moved forward as the right one pointed toward Draco. He squirmed in Severus' grasp, hissing violently. _Musteltongue, what's that?_

Narcissa shook her head, touching her lace wrist cuffs. "What is it you said, Draco? Do you mean the rabbit is Harry?" She stamped on the floor. "You boys have gone too far this time!"

"The buck is Harry, mother. Musteltongue is the language spoken by ferrets and weasels, similar to Parseltongue."

"I speak it," said Ron proudly as he puffed up his chest.

Harry's whiskers moved upward, vibrating as he frowned, concentrating; his nose twitching fast as he glared at Ron and Draco.

_I reckon that means Ron can talk to you when you're a ferret! By Merlin's wasted rutabaga, that's not fair!!_

Hermione tried to wrest the rabbit from Severus, who was explaining to Narcissa, "I found the bunny when I came to visit Draco and Harry. Of course I knew it was Potter all along!"

Harry squealed. _Mione, you're hurting me!_

Ron grabbed the bunny's paws. "Let go of Harry! You're hurting him!" He pulled the bunny's hind leg.

Draco didn't waste time; he knew how it felt when two people wrestled over a small furry mammal without consideration for his fur. Taking out his wand, he waved it jerkily as he said, _'Accio Harry.'_

The bunny was freed from the grasp of his best friends and flew towards Draco. Using his honed Seeker reflexes, the blond caught his buck of a husband in midair.

Softly rubbing Harry's ears, Draco murmured lovingly. "You scared me, Harry! Don't do that ever again."

Harry grunted. _It wasn't me! It's the twins' fault!_

The blond touched gingerly Harry's body, making sure he was all right as he scowled at the rabbit. "I don't care whose fault it is. I just want you to be safe; even as a bunny, you go gallivanting around."

_Wait, you understand me?_

Ron rubbed his forehead. "You understand the bunny?"

Draco shrugged as he made his way to the bedroom. "I know those grunting sounds. Harry always makes them when he's looking for excuses."

The bunny's nose twitched violently. _I do not!_

Just as Draco passed the threshold of the bedroom, the rabbit started growing and changing into Harry. Draco closed the door behind him with his foot and then staggered to the bed under Harry's increasingly heavy weight.

The blond gasped as he crouched and laid his buck-naked husband on the bed.

"Thanks for saving me from Ron and Mione. They were pulling my leg."

"Are you hurt? Do you want a rub?" Draco gently touched Harry's chest.

"Later. I… have a problem."

Draco smirked as he wrapped his hand around Harry's erection. "I see. Randy as a rabbit?"

"You could say that." Harry squirmed on the bed. "How did you know it was me?"

The blond kissed Harry's swollen belly. "I'd recognise you in whatever form, Harry. I love you."

"Me too. It was really the twins' fault. The toffee…"

Draco kissed Harry, their tongues wrestling for a moment before the blond pulled away from the kiss. "You taste like soup."

"It must be the Amazonian carrots, they were incredibly juicy."

"Just like you, Harry." Draco rubbed noses with Harry, drawling, "Just like you."

The loud noises of people bickering in the living room and the kitchen were clearly audible as Draco framed Harry's head with his hands and kissed his cheeks, grimacing when the whiskers twitched one more time before they vanished.

\--

"Did you really know it was Harry, Severus?"

"Indeed… I can perform Legilimency on rabbits even in my sleep, Narcissa."

"Then why didn't you return him sooner, Snape?"

"Granger, I needed to finish a potion!"

"Ron, stop snickering!"

"Ouch, that hurts!"

"Lucius, leave poor Blaise alone!"

"Dear, just let me ask the boy some questions."

 

 


	17. Harry's toys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NC-17, mention of toys and fisting

 

 

"Draco, won't you make love to me?" Harry spread his legs enticingly, his engorged cockhead brushing against his abdomen. After his stint as a rabbit, he felt very horny. Draco rubbing his sensitive, bulging belly didn't help to assuage his lust. Harry wanted him inside, fast.  
  
"I'm not sure, Harry. You've been under a lot of stress." The blond pointed to the closed door. Lucius and Snape could be heard, arguing fiercely about Animagi potions. "And we still have guests, what if they interrupt us?"  
  
His hand caressed lovingly Harry's bellybutton, gliding down to fist his cock. Then Draco's fingers brushed briefly against the crease of his buttocks, too briefly in Harry's opinion.  
  
Narcissa's voice came through the door."Dear, why don't you take a toffee to calm your nerves?"  
  
Draco shivered, murmuring, "Hope Father doesn't eat the sweet where I put the backup copy from Lady Ga--"  
  
A voice crooned, _'In the corner of my bar with your high heels on….'_  
  
Ron said enthusiastically, "Love that song! Mr. Malfoy, sing louder!"  
  
Hermione growled. "Ron, please! Zabini, come down from the fridge! I'll take care of the pesky letters."  
  
Narcissa nearly shouted, "Lucius, stop this unseemly warbling of yours! Very unbecoming for a Malfoy! … And give me back those shoes!"  
  
 _'With a guitar humming and no clothes…'_  
  
"Lucius, the nerve…!"  
  
Snape snickered. "On that note, I take leave of you. Lucius, you should join Celestina Warbeck!"  
  


\--

  
  
Harry grunted. Twitching his nose like a rabbit, he wandlessly cast a spell that would protect their privacy. "That does it. Don't want to hear Lady Gaga right now. Want you to shag me."  
  
"Harry, what about the baby. I'm not sure…"  
  
Harry's eyes swam in tears. He felt so frustrated and horny.  
  
"Don't wibble, Harry." Draco touched Harry's thigh, rubbing a particularly sensitive spot near his knee. "I find it hotter when you're strong and demanding."  
  
Harry's eyes sparked in indignation. "If you don't shag me right now, I'll hex you! Strong enough?"  
  
Draco quickly divested himself of his clothes, his cock growing as Harry snarled, fisting his own wet prick. Looking at the delectable sight of his husband spread out, his strong thighs like exclamation points that framed his jutting cock, Draco forgot the people on the other side of the door.  
  
Like always, Harry took him out of this world.  
  
The blond frowned when Harry twitched his nose and he felt a wet substance cover his dick. He knelt between Harry's legs, gently pushing them apart. Caressing his bulging belly with his right hand, Draco pushed one, then two fingers into his opening, his cock throbbing when he found it already wet.  
  
"Come on, Draco. Don't have all day!"  
  
The blond spread Harry's cheeks as he guided his cock into the warm opening. His shaft disappearing into that hole fascinated him. Draco made a thrusting motion with his hips, impaling Harry in a swift stroke as he leaned down, his flat belly rubbing against Harry's happy trail.  
  
Harry moaned. He closed his eyes, enjoying the burning sensation Draco's prick made as it stretched him most deliciously. He wrapped his hand around Draco's, guiding them to his throbbing cock.  
  
Draco stretched his arms, tugging the pillows so Harry would be in a comfortable position. When he crouched over Harry to do this, the slight pressure of his body along Harry's cock and his belly, combined with the changed angle which made Draco's prick hit his prostate head on caused Harry to scream. Fisting his cock, two swipes of his thumb along his cockhead was all it took him to come, coating his fingers with thick spurts of semen.  
  
The enticing sight of Harry coming undone as his inner walls squeezed him made Draco orgasm a few thrusts later.  
  
He withdrew from Harry, smirking when Harry clenched around him on his way out.  
  
Draco scooted away to the edge of the bed, looking for his wand.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Going to clean us."  
  
"Don't bother; I'll go to the bathroom. I need to pee anyway."  
  
Harry waddled to the ensuite bathroom. After he'd done his business, he wiped his behind with a soft tissue. Touching that tender part brought to his mind Draco cruelly misleading him about the way he would give birth. Since Harry's little prank apparently misfired - he hadn't heard Draco say anything about his pregnancy being caused by Horcruxes - Harry decided to try to get back at his husband another way.  
  
Twitching his nose at the bedroom at the same time he cast a wandless transfiguration, Harry made his way to the bed. He lay down and then, smiling innocently, he pointed to his trunk. "Can you open it? I need something inside."  
  
Draco put on his underpants and sauntered to the trunk. Rummaging inside, he turned to his husband. "What is it?"  
  
"You'll know when you find it, trust me."  
  
Draco touched something smooth, like a wand, only it was much, much thicker. Picking the object, he lifted it from the trunk. It was a huge green dildo, shaped somewhat like a carrot.  
  
Shuddering, Draco looked at Harry with betrayed eyes. Hefting the green dildo, he pointed it to the bed. "Is this what you want?"  
  
Harry spread his legs wantonly. "Give it here."  
  
Draco shuffled his feet as he returned to the bed. "What's the matter, Harry? Do you think I'm not big enough?"  
  
Harry yanked the dildo from Draco's hand, muttering to himself, "You're thick enough… trust me!"  
  
He struggled to hold the big carrot-like sex toy, rubbing it against the inside of his thigh.  
  
"Isn't it going to hurt?"  
  
"I'm preparing."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Next week, I want you to fist me."  
  
Surprised, Draco stumbled back. Only his precarious hold on the duvet kept him from slipping and falling to the floor. "What? You want me to put my hand inside you?"  
  
"How come you know about that?" Harry frowned fiercely at his husband.  
  
Draco shrugged. "I was looking up fistcuffs on Google, preparing for an assignment, and that kink was at the top of the dropdown list."  
  
"Doesn't matter, once you fist me, the next dildo will arrive, carried by six owls."  
  
"That many! Merlin, Harry! How big is it?"  
  
"I asked Madam Maxine to cast a mould of Hagrid's co--"  
  
Draco held up his hands. "Stop, Harry! I'm going to barf! What's come over you? What are you preparing for?"  
  
Harry rubbed the head of the dildo against his swollen opening. "To give birth, of course."  
  
Draco frowned; he was completely at a loss as to what Harry meant. "Could you explain? Are you taking the piss out of me?"  
  
"Didn't you say I had to give birth through this?" Harry flicked his wrist and the dildo prodded insistently against his hole.  
  
When he realized what Harry meant, Draco took several steps back. He mumbled, "I was…."  
  
"You were what, Draco?" Harry's voice rose in a crescendo of feigned fury.  
  
"… joking?" meeped Draco, his eyes studying the wooden floor as he uneasily shuffled his bare feet.  
  
"You mean, I wrote to Madam Maxine in vain? I had to suffer through the indignity of ordering this thing-" Harry waved the vegetable-coloured sex toy in the air like a perverted baton. "People called me size-queen just so you could enjoy your prank?"  
  
Draco squirmed, looking shiftily at his husband.  
  
Harry was enjoying himself immensely. This prank he thought up in the spur of the moment was delicious.  
  
Draco took the Slytherin way out. Knowing that Harry loved his Animagus form and he wouldn't dare hex him as a small furry mammal, he transformed.  
  
The ferret advanced timidly towards the bed, his white tail swishing nervously from side to side. Draco put his front paws on the duvet, near Harry's feet. Sniffing the air delicately, the ferret sensed no ill will from his husband. Finally he clambered upon the bed, licking Harry's leg.  
  
The pregnant Auror was delighted. Sated from his lovemaking and happy that Draco had fallen so easily for his feigned anger - to have him as a ferret was like a cherry on top. He couldn't help but smile widely at his gullible husband.  
  
Draco climbed Harry's belly, his claws scratching tenderly the soft skin. Harry pulled the duvet over his lower body, his other hand petting the white fur of the ferret.  
  
Draco dooked contentedly, smirking inwardly. Harry was so easy to pacify!  
  
At that moment, Narcissa opened the door, striding regally into her son's bedroom. "I told Lucius to take his singing to the Manor and serenade his peacocks!"  
  
Ron peered inside the bedroom, right behind Narcissa. He shook his head when he saw the white mammal over Harry; obviously his best friend had manoeuvred Draco into this.  
  
Noticing the ferret draped over Harry, Narcissa scowled fiercely. "Draco, you should not pester Harry, especially in his condition. He's well aware of your Animagus abilities. Don't prance around! Reminds me of the time with the Muggle flying machines, those heliocoppers."  
  
Draco dooked angrily. _'Mother, it's Harry who forces me to do this!'_  
  
"Draco is right, Mrs Malfoy, it's Harry who always insists on having him as a ferret."  
  
Narcissa and Harry scowled at Ron.  
  
"Ron, I doubt you understand my son's unseemly noises."  
  
"Well, I do. Draco told me it's called _muscletongue."_  
  
Narcissa mumbled to herself, "Poor Molly, now even Ron is falling for Draco's Slytherin ways!"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song lyrics from 'Yoü and I by Lady Gaga


	18. A very pumpkin Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry remembers when he almost lost Draco due to a Halloween wardrobe malfunction.
> 
> Warnings: Mpreg, graphic sex, flangst, humour, giant ferrets, plethora of photos, pumpkins and prompts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written in response to:  
> lijahlover's prompt: Food smut and photo; hd_commentfest 's October photo and theme, 'Reconciliation'; the prompt: Halloween at Malfoy Manor for the 3rd Annual Halloween Flufffy fest at hd_fluff; the Black Cat October challenge at harry_draco_cat; JMDC's October Challenge: 'Costume mishap'; harrydracompreg's prompts #12 'Breaking the news' and #13 'Halloween costume.'

 

Harry stretched lazily on the bed, rubbing his bare abdomen. He fluffed his pillow, gazing at Draco who was carrying a jar on his hand.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
Instead of answering, the Slytherin upended the jar, measuring exactly how much thick liquid fell directly on Harry's nipples. He moved the jar, creating a trail passing over Harry's protuberant belly, down to his bellybutton and ending on his cock which was showing increasing interest in the proceedings.  
  
Draco put his hands on either side of Harry and leaned down to lave his right nipple, swirling his tongue around the areola. The brunet moaned, spreading his legs as Draco softly touched his belly, patting it gently. Then he put his sticky fingers in Harry's mouth.  
  
Potter licked them hungrily, making slurping sounds.  
  
Draco lifted his head and looked at Harry with grey eyes darkened with lust. "This is a reward for escaping your bunny imprisonment. Do you know what it is?"  
  
Harry wrinkled his nose. "It's… pumpkin."  
  
Draco lapped up the pumpkin puree from the delectably soft skin of Harry's abdomen. "I want to devour you, to eat you whole."  
  
Harry shuddered, his cock twitching in anticipation. It had been too long since he had enjoyed all of Draco's attention concentrated on him, due to his Unspeakable job.  
  
He moaned when he felt Draco's warm, wet mouth enveloping his cock. The blond looked up at him, and the sight of the grey eyes he loved so much watching him in such an intimate setting nearly made Harry come.  
  
Nevertheless, the sweet, spicy aroma of the pumpkin puree was disquieting for Harry. It reminded him of a dark time in his relationship with Draco…  
  


\--

  
  
Harry hefted the big pumpkin, smiling at his scowling fiancé. "This is Draco."  
  
The blond sneered. "Why? It's a Hufflepuff colour, not Slytherin green."  
  
Harry raised the pumpkin so the green stem would lift his glasses. "It's paler, that's why." Without giving Malfoy time to add a sarcastic retort, Harry put the big pumpkin on the counter of their kitchen and picked up a much smaller one. "And this is Harry."  
  
Draco frowned at the slim Auror. "Harry, giving the pumpkins names won't make it easier on me. Why do you want me to do this, again?"  
  
"It's a Muggle custom for Halloween."  
  
"You mean Samhain," muttered Draco, taking out his wand. Harry gently grabbed it and pointed it to the floor.  
  
"Nope, you have to do it the Muggle way." The brunet turned to look at a big, gleaming knife on the counter.  
  
Draco pleaded in a whiny voice. "But Harry, I have to finish my reports for the head of the Unspeakables."  
  
Harry huffed, taking away his namesake pumpkin. "If you don't want to humour me a little in this, after you rode me hard last night and I sucked…"  
  
Draco sighed in defeat, grabbing the big orange vegetable. "Fine, I'll do it."  
  
Harry took a look at his Halloween watch. It had a black cat which pointed the hour and the minutes with its paws. "I have to go. Ron is waiting for me; we have to discuss a case."  
  
Draco waved the orange veggie at the door. "You said you'd teach me how to cut--"  
  
"Can't. See you tonight." Harry kissed his fiancé's alabaster cheek and dashed out of the room like Nearly Headless Nick going to a Deathday party.  
  
Draco grumbled as he took up the knife and angrily stabbed the pumpkin.  
  
Half an hour later, the pumpkin had eyes and a nose, but Draco had cuts in three of his fingers. The blond was quite angry. He really needed to write those reports and Harry had promised he'd stay. Lately it seemed that Harry didn't have time for him. The brunet spent his free time preparing for this 'Halloween' and didn't pay any mind to Draco's hints about Samhain celebrations at the Manor.  
  
Growing increasingly enraged when he cut his thumb, the blond threw the big pumpkin on the kitchen table. He took out his wand and swished it with a mad, whirling motion.  
  


\--

  
  
Harry opened the door of the apartment, motioning for Ron to enter.  
  
"Where's Malfoy?"  
  
Harry's gaze searched the living room but there was no sign of his fiancé. "Oi, Draco, I'm home!"  
  
No one answered. Harry shook his head; probably his boyfriend was at the Ministry.  
  
"Do you want a glass of water, Ron?"  
  
"Don't you have pumpkin juice?"  
  
"Don't think so. Let me see," said Harry, walking to the kitchen. After he opened the door, he shrank back from the sight that greeted him. On the table there were two carved pumpkins. Only not in the way Harry expected. The pumpkin he had named 'Draco' appeared to be swallowing poor little 'Harry' whilst directing a ferocious scowl at the real Harry.  
  
It would seem that Draco hadn't learned at all the fine art of pumpkin carving and had gotten mad instead. There was a parchment next to the angry pumpkin. Harry read it.  
  
 _Gone to the office. I'll be back for dinner.  
  
PS. I cut my fingers so badly, had to take a Blood Replenishing Potion.  
  
Signed  
  
Your not so pleased Pumpkin_  
  


\--

  
  
  
Harry and Draco Apparated to Mrs. Thistlewaite's country manor. The kind woman had invited Harry, mentioning she'd be hosting a pre-Halloween costume party.  
  
Draco glared at the brunet, nervously touching his silk hose. He was clad in a black velvet doublet and black hose that hugged his slim legs. His costume was completed by a cotton shirt and a jaunty black hat with an eagle feather. The striking contrast between his black attire and his blond locks made him look like a Goth Peter Pan.  
  
The blond scowled at Harry, muttering, "Shouldn't have let you pick my costume. In Samhain we don't dress--"  
  
"Let's go inside, I want to see what the others wore! Perhaps we'll win a prize!" Harry sauntered in the corridor formed between the tall garden hedges.  
  
Draco rushed to join his fiancé, taking rapid strides with his long legs until he heard an ominous ripping sound. The blond looked down at his torn hose. "What in Merlin's name? Who made this?"  
  
"It was Luna. She said she was learning to be a seamstress."  
  
Bending down to touch his shin, Draco heard another ripping sound. The seam on his shirt split.  
  
"Well, that does it. We'll have to go back and…" Draco looked at Harry, whose eyes were shining with unshed tears. He recalled how excited the brunet was when they received Mrs. Thistlewaite's invitation.  
  
Harry disconsolately shuffled his pirate boots on the grass, his sword making woeful clanking sounds in its scabbard. "We had a contingency plan."  
  
"Fine," grumbled Draco, touching the velvet waistcoat of his pirate-clad fiancé. "But you owe me!"  
  
Draco shook his head. He didn't know what had come over Harry lately. He was prone to burst in tears for the slightest mishap. Recalling that morning when he found Harry vomiting into the porcelain bowl in the bathroom, Draco decided to try to make Harry's night memorable. After all the brunet had been looking forward to this Halloween party for days; he also recalled Weasley telling him about Harry's life with the dratted Dursleys. He ruffled his blond locks.  
  
Draco transformed into his ferret form. The small furry mammal looked up at his fiancé whose face instantly burst into a bright smile.  
  
Harry waved his sword at the ferret. He had his wand cleverly hidden inside it. He said, _'Engorgio furittus!_ "  
  
The white ferret grew until he was the same length as his human form. Harry cast a spell to ease the ferret's weight so he could walk on two legs. Together, the two made their way to the door. The ferret swished his fluffy tail, mindful not to put it in the way of Harry's scabbard which almost reached the ground. Draco didn't see Harry's lips twitching as he tried to hide his smirk. After all, he had given Luna exact instructions about how to go about sewing Draco's costume. It would seem that the costume mishap was no accident at all.  
  
The giant ferret grunted when they reached the door and Harry rang the bell.  
  
An old lady opened the door. She cringed from the sight of the pirate and the huge furry mammal, her hand clutching her white blouse. "What in Hercule Poirot's name?"  
  
Harry smiled disarmingly. "I'm Harry and this is my fiancé."  
  
Mrs. Thistlewaite nervously fingered the lapel of her smart tweed jacket. She caressed her grey bun just where it touched her black hat. "Oh dear!"  
  
Peering through her bifocals at the two individuals, she frowned. "Dear Harry, in the invitations I distinctly recall writing that the costumes would be based upon characters from the works of Agatha Christie!"  
  
Harry shuffled his boots, holding nervously the left paw of his fiancé. He mumbled, "Reckon I didn't see that."  
  
Mrs Thistlewaite motioned them inside. "You and your girl can come inside."  
  
The ferret bared his huge teeth when he heard that, hissing angrily.  
  
Mrs Thistlewaite recoiled from Draco's anger. "Did I say something wrong?"  
  
Harry shook his head, squeezing Draco's soft pads in warning. "My fiancé's a man!"  
  
"Oh, dear! I didn't know. I must say his costume is perfect!" Mrs. Thistlewaite reached her hand timidly to pull on Draco's whiskers.  
  
The white ferret dooked angrily.  
  


\--

  
  
Draco was the star of the party, something that would have made him proud if he was in his human form.  
  
A beefy man dressed in a three piece suit tried to grab Draco's paw but the ferret shied away. The man pointed to his barrel chest, adorned with a bowtie. "I'm Paul. It's a pleasure to meet you. Susan would have loved your costume, she's my fiancée but she couldn't come. She missed the train, again."  
  
Paul mumbled to himself, "I'm sure she had her nose in a book. That woman is always reading. Shouldn't buy her any more books!"  
  
Measuring the huge ferret with his eyes, Paul said, "Did you know that when the dinosaurs went extinct, everything that was left were animals the size of ferrets and weasels? You could say the rest of the mammals descend from them"  
  
Grunting contentedly, Draco puffed his furry chest proudly whilst Harry shook his head. _Just what I needed, Draco is going to strut more._  
  
Harry looked at his mammal fiancé appraisingly. _On the other hand, he might transform more frequently. He could even make love to me as a ferret!_  
  
The night passed in a disturbing blur for the giant furry mammal. A thin Muggle man took his photo. He had the ferret lie on the sofa and look at his digital camera.  
  
A fool Muggle had opined that Draco was dressed as a mini polar bear! Women and men had poked Draco's sides, stepped on his tail several times and even pinched his round pink ears!  
  
The ferret glared at the Muggles with beady eyes, carefully holding his tail aloft. When a blonde woman came close to him, he dooked angrily at her, baring his canines. Undeterred, she pulled on his whiskers. "Congratulations, dear! Your costume is perfect! Where's your boyfriend?"  
  
Draco crossed his paws, the claws of his right hind paw tapping impatiently on the floor. His whiskers twitched angrily as his fluffy tail pointed to the corner where Harry was conversing with a Muggle wearing a frock coat. The man was playfully twisting Harry's red bandana, openly flirting with him!  
  
The ferret hissed dangerously, his tail swishing aggressively from side to side until a woman's stiletto heel stepped on it. That was too much for Draco.  
  
Dropping to all fours, the ferret darted out of the hall amidst the admiring glances of the partygoers.  
  
When Harry saw his fiancé going out, he dashed out of the house. In his haste, the bespectacled pirate lost his tri-cornered hat and almost tripped on his clanking sword.  
  
The huge ferret paused in the middle of the garden, three feet from a rose bush. He turned to face Harry, his beady eyes shining in the moonlight.  
  
Harry wheezed, out of breath, "I'm s… sorry, Draco. I know they've been pawing you - no pun intended. Didn't think about that when I told Luna to sabota--"  
  
Harry gulped, realizing he had let the cat out of the sack, so to speak. He brandished his sword at Draco and hastily muttered the counterspell. The white ferret shrank and promptly transformed into Draco.  
  
The two discomfited wizards didn't notice a small beetle listening intently on the petals of a rose. The markings around its antennae were eerily similar to jewelled glasses.  
  
"So you tricked me!" shouted Draco. He went on more softly, "I should've known. I've had it, Harry! You and your bloody insistence that I should learn Muggle customs. When have you ever bothered to learn about Samhain?"  
  
"I didn't--"  
  
"You don't care about what I want! It's always you and what you want at the moment! Bet you didn't think those Muggles would assault me!"  
  
"'m sorry, Draco." Harry scuffed the heel of his pirate boot on the grass.  
  
"Not sorry enough!" Draco ruffled his hair and turned to walk away.  
  
"Draco, don't go!"  
  
A small animal, as black as the night, pounced on the rose bushes. The yowling went unnoticed by the wizards, though.  
  
Draco glared at his fiancé. "We're over, Harry. Consider our engagement annulled. I'm going to live in the Manor until I find another apartment."  
  
Without another word, the blond Disapparated.  
  
Having heard all it needed, the beetle flew away as Harry knelt in the middle of the garden, sobbing. Harry felt something furry against his hand and he looked up, hoping it would be his white ferret.  
  
It wasn't. He saw the shining eyes of a black tomcat. The cat meowed inquisitively, his tongue raspy against Harry's fingers.  
  


\--

  
  
Hermione patted Harry's shoulders whilst Ron read aloud the Daily Prophet.  
  
 _Potter and Malfoy split spectacularly!  
  
In a move that surprised the Wizarding World, the golden couple of the Saviour and the Slytherin Prince apparently split up. Potter surprised his fiancé, Draco Malfoy, cavorting with a pirate at a Muggle party._  
  
Harry huffed. "The pirate was me! Skeeter should get the story right!"  
  
He felt a furry head butting against his legs. Looking down, Harry saw the bright eyes of the cat he'd picked up at that blasted party. He said softly, "Jump in, Mimbletom!"  
  
The cat jumped to his lap as Ron looked up from the paper. "Isn't that name strange?"  
  
Harry shrugged indifferently. "He's nimble and a tom."  
  
Continuing his reading, Ron glared at the paper.  
  
 _Sources inside Hogwarts told the Daily Prophet, in strictest confidence, that Headmistress McGonagall shouted with joy when she heard the news of her beloved pupil and the Slytherin she hates with a passion breaking up for good. She animated the Hogwarts suits of armour, making them dance a lively Scottish jig. Two Gryffindors fainted whilst she shouted gleefully, 'I'm avenged at last for my Quidditch injuries! Slytherin bites the dust!'_  
  
Harry yelled, "That's a lie! When McGonagall saw Draco's Animagus potential, she coddled him! Remember?"  
  
Ron nodded sagely, "You're right, mate. Besides, Gryffindors never faint!"  
  
Harry crossed his arms, muttering, "I don't understand why Draco can't get into the Halloween spirit."  
  
Hermione sat on the couch next to Harry, scowling at him. "You're forcing him to do things, Harry. Nobody likes that. You should entice him with juicy tidbits of Muggle information. After all, ferrets are very curious."  
  
Harry sniffled whilst Ron scowled at his insensitive wife, brushing aside his long blond curls.  
  
Hermione glanced around Harry's apartment, and then she uttered the fateful words that would haunt her and the Wizarding world for a long time. "Pique Draco's curiosity. Tell him to look up the meaning of Halloween on Google."  
  
"I don't use that," said Harry morosely.  
  
"Well, you should. It's a very useful tool. The dropdown list? I just love it; it is quite handy when I feel like browsing." Hermione launched into a discussion of the search engine, noting Ron and Harry's glazed looks.  
  
Whilst Ron stared dumbfounded at the witch, Harry absorbed the knowledge like a Slytherin sponge.  
  
But then Harry's gaze slid to the table next to the couch and he felt like throwing up. He rushed to the bathroom.  
  
Hermione hunched her shoulders in dismay. When she noticed a photograph, she lifted it. It was a collage of Draco through the years; he appeared very handsome as usual. She noted his hair was darker in several photos. Probably a glamour, she decided.

  
  


\--

  
  
Ron was humming the Anastasia Warbeck hit, 'A cauldron full of hot, strong love.'  
  
Hermione went to him and batted his arm. "Don't be insensitive, Ron. Harry will probably cry if he hears you." She tugged the hem of her sweater and then searched the back pocket of her jeans. Taking out her iPod, she passed it to Ron. "Listen to Muggle music instead, there are new interesting artists."  
  
Harry came back from the bathroom, wiping his mouth with the palm of his hand. Looking at the photo in Hermione's left hand, he growled. "That's an invitation for Draco's party."  
  
"I know, mate." Gazing at the ceiling, Ron quoted "' _Halloween at Malfoy Manor. No Potter friends allowed.'_   I tried to go to the Manor and speak to Malfoy on your behalf…"  
  
"Thanks, Ron."  
  
Ron waved his hand. "You're welcome. Couldn't get in, mate. Malfoy cast strange wards that caused this." Weasley pointed at his head. Instead of his red mane, Ron now sported long, luscious blond locks.  
  


\--

  
  
After Ron and Hermione left, Harry laid himself upon the coach. Mimbletom jumped on him and started kneading his chest, purring like a motorized Snitch whilst Harry choked back a sob.  
  
"I couldn't tell Ron and Mione I'm pregnant, Mimbles." The cat meowed softly and looked at Harry, his bright eyes opened wide as he kept kneading and purring.  
  
"I need Draco by my side, I'm just too afraid to tell them the news by myself. When the Healer told me, I wanted to shout with joy until I remembered Draco left me."  
  
Harry stretched his arm and picked up the glossy collage of Draco, and the ferret photo taken at the party. Gazing at them, he mumbled, "Draco doesn't get it that I love him in whatever form he takes. I admire his pluck and skill in becoming a ferret Animagus, rising above what happened with fake Mad-Eye."  
  
Harry felt Mimbletom's raspy tongue against his chin as the cat licked him, as if the feline was trying to console him. "I don't know what I'll do, Mimbles. I reckon at that Halloween party Draco will have plenty of admirers who'll pounce on him now he's free. I miss him!"  
  
Harry put the photos on the wooden floor. "Even tried to make a potion on the kitchen so it would smell the same way it does when he's here." The brunet frowned. "It's funny, the potion was alright when I went to the bathroom, but then the cauldron exploded. Luckily it didn't hit you."  
  
Mimbletom looked away shiftily.  
  
After Harry fell asleep, the cat jumped down from his chest. Going to the door, Mimbletom stood on his hind legs and opened the doorknob with his paws. Once outside the apartment, the cat transformed into a tall and handsome wizard who ruffled his short black hair and Disapparated.  
  


\--

  
  
Luna was adroitly waving her wand. In the middle of her living room, ten moving needles were stitching a black dress, their movement directed by the witch. She was humming contentedly as she patted her bulging belly.  
  
She smiled at Neville when he came through the door.  
  
"Sorry I was away the last three days. Did you get my message?" Neville kissed his wife's soft cheek, gently touching her belly.  
  
"Yes. Didn't need it though." Luna squinted when a particular difficult stitch required her attention. She lowered her wand when she finished. The dress was done.  
  
"I heard it through the _gravereiters._ So you were with Harry?"  
  
"Yes, our friend is very sad at the moment. He's pregnant and Draco doesn't even know. Luckily I was there when--"  
  
Luna put her index finger on Neville's luscious lips. "Don't tell me. I know it's part of your secret agent life."  
  
Nodding, Neville went to the middle of the room. He blushed as he sat down on the white leather couch. He grabbed the remote control and turned on the hi-fi system. Myron Wagtail's voice came through the elongated grey loudspeakers at both ends of the couch. Neville tried to relax listening to the Weird Sisters' _'Do the hippogriff.'_  
  
He mused, "Well, my secret was compromised when I got a bit sloshed in the bachelor party."  
  
Luna sat down beside her husband, putting up her feet on the dark brown cushions. "I told you to be careful; the _gubblelusters_ feed on stripping energy."  
  
"Well, there were no strippers and cake for sure. I guess I transformed and someone took my photo wearing that silly party hat; they uploaded it to the web too." Neville twirled a strand of Luna's silky hair between his fingers. "Luckily the other secret Animagus' identity is safe."  
  
Luna hummed whilst Neville mused aloud. "What will we do about Harry?"  
  
"I heard that Draco's been miserable, moping around the Manor. He's driving Narcissa and Malfoy Senior crazy. Changed the décor, too."  
  
Neville smiled affectionately at his wife. "What, the _gubblelusters_ told you?"  
  
"No, silly. I met their house-elf, Blicky. He moaned about his young master's poor fate."  
  
"So what will we do?"  
  
Luna looked at the black dress. "I'm going to crash the party, disguised as the bride of Frankenstein."  
  
Neville furrowed his brow in puzzlement. "The bride of whom?"  
  
"I met this red-headed Muggle woman, Susan, at a café. She told me all about this story."  
  
Neville lifted his eyebrow inquiringly. "But the Malfoy wards?"  
  
"Doesn't matter. Draco has to know his fiancé is preggers."  
  


\--

  
  
Draco walked through the crowd, his hands crossed behind his back. He was so worried about Harry, he hardly slept these days. The blond was also angry; his cheeks still felt the ghostly ache he'd endured when those meddlesome Muggles pulled his whiskers.  
  
The portraits of his ancestors Cepheus and Corvus Malfoy, painted in Elizabethan finery, murmured between themselves. They shut up when Draco glared at them.  
  
Exhausted from his lack of sleep, Draco sat down on a gloomy straight-backed chair. Narcissa approached her son, Lucius by her side.  
  
"Draco, you should check up on Harry."  
  
"Why? He only wants me as a ferret," mumbled the blond.  
  
"You've always wanted his attention and now that you have it, you should--"  
  
Lucius snickered softly and Narcissa shot him a glare, shutting him up.  
  
Draco looked up and flinched in horror when he noticed a guest. His knuckles grabbed the chair upholstery so tight it began to rip. A woman dressed in black approached the Malfoys; she looked just like his late aunt Bellatrix. She even had the same messy black curls, resembling Medusa's hair, on her head. But she had a ghoulish face!  
  
Draco was quite scared; the woman looked just like that monster in one of the movies Harry forced him to watch in preparation for Halloween, Chucky or something like that.  
  
Squinting at the girl, Draco realized that she had a pumpkin head.  
  
"Something the matter, Draco?" said the woman in a smooth voice which Draco recognized. It was Luna Lovegood.  
  
"What happened to you, Lovegood?" Draco cocked an eyebrow at the pumpkinhead.  
  
Luna shrugged nonchalantly. "It was your wards. After I passed them I felt odd." She knocked on her cheeks, producing an odd hollow sound. "I like it, though. Makes me feel like a _gravereiter_."  
  
Draco looked away guiltily. "Sorry about that, Lovegood. I just didn't want any friend of Potter's here."  
  
Luna's orange head turned, her gaze engulfing the gloomy ballroom. "Nice Halloween décor, Mrs. Malfoy."  
  
Narcissa lifted an eyebrow, spreading her arms to indicate the dim ballroom. "After the War, we changed the walls to rich earth tones, but my son modified it for the party to fit his mood."  
  
A photographer approached the group. Draco looked at the boy, mumbling despondently, "He looks just like my Harry."  
  
Lucius twirled his cane, scoffing. "Of course he does. He's the Creevey boy wearing a Potter mask, like half the simpering fools we have as guests."  
  
Draco choked back a sob whilst Narcissa glared at Lucius, touching her son's left shoulder comfortingly. Lucius quailed from his wife's scowl and tentatively put his hand on Draco's right shoulder.  
  
Meanwhile, Luna crossed her arms, her wand pointing downward. She didn't have to smile because the pumpkin was already doing so.  
  
Colin Creevey shrugged as he took the photo of the Malfoys and Luna.  
  


  
  


\--

  
  
Afterwards, Draco cancelled the effects of the wards and talked with Luna.  
  
"How's Harry? Is he doing alright?" Draco fidgeted on the chair whilst Luna twirled a curl of her blond hair between her fingers.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be mad with him?"  
  
"Well, of course. But I miss the thick-headed Gryffindor. I hope he's asked his boss for a day off."  
  
Draco frowned at the guests as Lucius and Narcissa exchanged a wry look. Narcissa was tired of Draco's babbling about Harry and hoped the two would make up soon. She and Mrs. Weasley had a wedding to plan, after all.  
  
Draco grabbed his right knee, leaning forward on the chair. "They bloody work him to death; I've told Harry time and again that--"  
  
"Don't worry. They won't do that after Harry tells them…" Luna trailed off, gazing intently at the corner of the room.  
  
"After he tells them what, Lovegood?"  
  
"Oh. That he's pregnant of course."  
  
Draco almost fell off his chair. "What? Harry's pregnant? Why didn't he tell me?"  
  
"Maybe because he learnt about it after you left him?" said Luna in a singsong voice.  
  
Without waiting to hear another word, Draco stood up from the chair and Disapparated. Narcissa hugged her husband. "Did you hear that, Lucius?"  
  
The Malfoy patriarch smiled proudly. "We are going to be grandparents!"  
  
Narcissa smirked against Lucius' silky locks. "Draco forgot that the wards work both ways, though. I wish I could see his hair."  
  


\--

  
  
Harry was watering the plant on the corner of the living room. He shook his head, realizing he'd forgotten about it since Draco left, yet the plant was still verdant.  
  
He was a bit startled when someone embraced him from behind. When Harry turned his face he was so shocked, the watering can slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor with a clanking sound.  
  
Harry wanted to punch the red-headed bloke with the pumpkin head until he heard Draco's voice.  
  
"You're fine? Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? Lovegood had to tell me, after I changed her pumpkin head back. I'm sick and tired of seeing pumpkins everywhere!"  
  
"Draco. Hate to tell you this." Harry laid his head on Draco's shoulder, smiling in relief. "But your head is a pumpkin."  
  
"What are you on about, Harry? My head?" Draco remembered the adjustment he made on the wards and took out his wand, cancelling it.  
  
"Forgive me?" Draco kissed Harry's neck.  
  
"Only if you forgive me about that party." Harry wrapped his fingers around Draco's silky blond locks.  
  
"Done that, I shouldn't have left you but I was so mad." The blond bent down to kiss Harry's belly through his shirt, wrapping his arms around Harry's midsection.  
  
"Have to think up names for the little one," mumbled Draco against Harry's abdomen. "I'll ask mother and Mrs Weasley after they finish their wedding planning."  
  
When he thought about pureblood names, Harry shuddered….  
  


\--

  
  
… coming with a shout. Harry had been so lost in his memories he hardly enjoyed his husband's blow job.  
  
Draco's smug smile peeked from above Harry's distended belly. "Did you like it?"  
  
"I reckon it was the best head I've ever had," said Harry a tad guiltily.  
  
Draco laid his body on the bed alongside Harry, cuddling him. He sneaked his left arm beneath his husband's body and crossed his arms over Harry's belly, humming with satisfaction.  
  
The pregnant brunet was happy to have Draco beside him, but remembering those difficult times brought back a poignant memory.  
  
"Wonder what happened to my cat, Mimbletom. He just disappeared one day and never came back."  
  
Draco kissed Harry's nape. "Don't worry about your cat. Remember the make-up sex we had when we reconciled?"  
  
Harry blushed. "I sure do. Couldn't sit for days!"  
  
"Well, I met Lovegood at the apothecary when I was buying ingredients for your pain numbing potion. I told her you were looking for the black cat. After all she has a way with animals."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Luna told me your cat was healthy, living with the person he adored. She seemed to know what she was talking about." Draco mumbled sleepily. "She's barmy though. Said the cat still had a secret assignment."  
  


\--

 

 


	19. The secret animagus

 

Harry woke up with a start when he heard clanking sounds. He'd been having a nightmare in which he was a prisoner in the Slytherin dungeons, at the mercy of a leather-clad Millicent Bullstrode. He shuddered and wrapped his arms around his bulging belly until the smell of Draco's cologne made him realize he was in their apartment.  
  
Meanwhile, the clinking continued as Harry put on his maternity robes which felt a bit constrained. Wiggling his nose, he cast a wandless spell that stretched the fine wool until he was more comfortable.  
  
After putting on his shoes through wandless magic because he couldn't bend enough to tie his shoelaces, Harry waddled into the living room.  
  
There were pieces of black iron all over the couch and the floor. His husband was trying to separate them according to some strange design. Harry stuck his hands in the pockets of his robes as he walked up to Draco, who was hefting a particularly ugly piece of cast iron whilst he mumbled to himself, "This will look better in green."  
  
Harry huffed as he pointed to the scattered pieces of wrought iron. "Why did you bring all these things here?"  
  
Draco went to him and kissed his chin, enjoying the rough feeling of his stubble. "Just insuring a wealthy future for our boy."  
  
"Or girl," said Harry, patting his abdomen. He frowned at the blond. "What do you mean, exactly?"  
  
Draco walked up to the laptop which was on the table. He caressed the keyboard, saying, "The day you disappeared? I was in a hurry to…" The blond trailed off, realizing that if he confessed he was following Harry, he'd be furious. "Go someplace, and a gate was in my way. I transfigured it. Somehow it ended up in the head of that Muggle Princess, Beatrice."  
  
"So?" Harry's stomach grumbled and he wondered if there were any Amazonian carrots left in the fridge.  
  
Draco pointed proudly to the laptop screen. "The Princess sold my creation for a bunch of money. So I decided to make more hats." He puffed up his chest. "Our child's future will be assured!"  
  
Harry ambled out of the room, muttering softly, "You're barmy!"  
  
Draco followed Harry to the kitchen. Putting his arms behind his back, the blond shuffled his feet on the linoleum floor. "I've some bad news."  
  
"What?" said Harry as he opened the fridge. Realizing there were no carrots, Harry took out a bowl of ice cream with radishes. "Lucius gave us another porcelain peacock?"  
  
"No. it's worse than that. Mother wants us to move to the Manor."  
  
Harry shuddered and the bowl slipped from his fingers. He wiggled his nose and cast a wandless _Wingardium leviosa,_ floating the dish to the table. He said angrily, "I hate it in that gloomy manor. The portraits all give me advice so I can produce the perfect Malfoy heir; from combing my hair to eating wild boars. And when I go to the garden? The damned albino peacocks go crazy and chase me around! Bloody hell!"  
  
Draco took out two butterbeers from the fridge and put them on the table, next to Harry's dish. He sat down and crossed his arms. "I've a plan, we have to convince Mother that…"  
  
The Floo activated and Narcissa's voice came from the living room. "What in Merlin's name? These are pieces of the Manor gates! No wonder Lucius' peacocks escaped!"  
  
Harry smiled at his blushing husband, who hastily picked up the glass and pretended to drink.  
  
Narcissa entered the kitchen, waving a piece of ornate iron. "Draco, care to explain this?"  
  
Seeing his mother-in-law's angry scowl, Harry came to his husband's rescue. "It's for a case we're working on, Narcissa. We need that," he waved with his spoon to the unsightly iron. "For evidence."  
  
Narcissa went to the table and ruffled Harry's hair. "Then you can bring it back when you move to the Manor, dear Harry."  
  
After taking another sip from the butterbeer, Draco coughed. "About that, Mother, Harry wants…"  
  
The brunet looked up from his bowl of ice cream. "What?"  
  
Draco nudged Harry's foot under the table. "Tell Mother what you want, Harry. Don't be coy!"  
  
Harry raised his eyebrows, intrigued by Draco's shadow of a smirk as the blond wiggled his eyebrows. Draco turned and looked pointedly at the chiffonier. Following his husband's gaze, Harry saw the ferret blown-up photo, taken the night when he cast _Engorgio_ on his husband.  
  
Draco mouthed the word _'portrait'_ whilst Narcissa opened the cupboard and took out a jar.  
  
Shivering from the painful recollections, it took Harry a moment to realize what Draco meant. Then he turned to Narcissa with a smug smirk, eerily resembling Draco. After savouring a juicy piece of radish with the strawberry ice cream, Harry said, "Since we're going to be living in the Manor, I want a portrait of Draco."  
  
Narcissa squinted at the jar. Apparently unsatisfied with the contents, she took out her wand and vanished it. "That'll be no problem, dear."  
  
Harry shrugged, taking a sip of the butterbeer. "As a ferret, of course."  
  
She paused from perusing the contents of the cupboard. "What?"  
  
Draco crossed his arms, trying unsuccessfully to hide his smirk as his foot travelled a path up Harry's leg.  
  
The pregnant brunet paused for a few seconds, distracted by the ghostly caress. Meanwhile Draco took out his wand and vanished his right shoe. He squirmed on the chair, seeking to maximize the contact between his toes and Harry's crotch.  
  
Harry moaned.  
  
Narcissa went to him and put her hand on her forehead. "Something hurts, dear Harry?" Frowning at her son, she said, "Draco, please don't slouch! Lucius and I taught you pureblood manners!"  
  
Growling, Draco sat up in the chair whilst Harry sighed disappointedly. Taking another bite from his treat, Harry said, "I'd love to see Draco's ferret portrait on the walls of the Manor. He dooks so nicely! The painter can do his whole body so he can go to the other portraits and do that weasel war dance he loves in the other frames and…"  
  
Narcissa staggered and plopped down on the chair in front of Harry. She could well imagine the turmoil her son would cause amongst the other portraits of the Manor. Even as a child, Draco didn't like those people. The angelic-looking blond child used to grab his magical crayons and paint moustaches on the ladies, to their great indignation. He also scrawled devil's horns on Abraxas and Vindemiatrix Malfoy's august foreheads. That took weeks to erase! The ferret could not be let loose amongst the noble and stiff portraits!  
  
Sighing in disappointment as her dreams of having his son and Harry with them evaporated like the Fat Friar on an errand, Narcissa smiled resignedly. "Well, perhaps when your child is grown up we'll commission that portrait you want, Harry."  
  
Narcissa squinted when she saw Draco's pink toes peeking from beneath the tablecloth. "Draco, you forgot to wear your shoes." She smiled fondly, ruffling her son's hair. "You used to do that until just before you went to Hogwarts."  
  
Harry sniggered whilst Draco frowned, stamping his bare foot on the linoleum floor.  
  


\--

  
  
Susan's phone rang. She brushed aside a curl of her red mane as she took the call.  
  
"Hi, Carlotta. How are you?"  
  
She smiled sadly. "Still suffering nightmares where you see men's bits when you take the scans?"  
  
Susan sauntered along South Molton Street. She rummaged in her purse and took out her Kindle to see the state of the battery whilst she scowled, continuing her conversation. "Well, I don't think you should see that psychiatrist anymore. Remember what I told you? About pregnant men from the CDC? Bet you scanned one of these heroic volunteers and you're mixing things up."  
  
The Muggle woman crossed the street, holding tightly her shopping bag. She glanced at it as she frowned at the busy intersection. "I bought a magnifying glass for my costume for the Midsummer party your mother will host. I still have to get my lace mittens."  
  
Susan moved the phone so she could see what time it was as she enthusiastically said, "I really, really want to go. Paul told me the costumes are magnificent! He was telling me about this guy? He went dressed as a giant ferret!" She mumbled wistfully, "I wished Harry could've seen him. The poor bloke is obsessed with the anim--"  
  
She collided with someone and the bag fell to the pavement. A young man whose hair was the same shade as Susan's bent down to pick it up, handing it to her with a flourish.  
  
"Hi, aunt, long time no see!"  
  
She puzzled her eyebrows. "Sorry, I've no nephews… that I know of."  
  
The boy blushed, crossing his arms behind his back. "Mmmh, sorry. I thought you were someone else." He stretched out his hand. "My name is Matthews, Cory Matthews."  
  
Susan shook his hand. "I'm Susan Milton. Pleased to meet you."  
  
The boy saw the Kindle peeking out from beneath a scarf. "I see you like books. Have you read Stephen King's _'The Zombie Menace'_?  
  
Susan's forehead creased as she mentally reviewed that author's work. "I don't think I have. In fact I know all his books and---"  
  
The redheaded boy shuffled his feet nervously. "Well, I've got to go… see you around, Suze."  
  
As the boy rushed to the corner, Susan mused aloud, "Funny, only my family calls me that."  
  
The woman walked to the boutique on the next corner, shaking her head.  
  


\--

  
  
Neville nursed his mocha as he waited for his partner. As he put the cup on the table he saw the boy sauntering between the tables towards him.  
  
Cory plopped down on the chair, shrugging. "Sorry I took so long, I met an old friend on the way."  
  
The boy ordered a cheese and tomato salad. After the waiter left, Neville said, "I've kept up my surveillance, though it's hard when people throw things at me."  
  
Cory shrugged. "I understand; the life of an Animagus is fraught with dangers, as my teacher wisely said. You're lucky, Neville, you don't have to run away from the dog catchers."  
  
The waiter brought the salad and the redhead daintily bit a tomato, nodding solemnly. "It must be hard, working as an undercover agent whilst your wife is expecting twins."  
  
Neville looked up from his cup, startled. "How did you know? Luna just told me."  
  
The boy blushed as he muttered to himself, "My bloody Gryffindor loudmouth!"  
  
Speaking in a louder voice, he said, "I looked up Luna's ancestors on Googenealogy. Her family has had several set of twins in the last two centuries, you know."  
  
Neville sighed dreamily. "It will be wonderful, I'm sure."  
  
Cory wiped his lips with the serviette. He put his elbows on the table and leaned forward, whispering dramatically, "Things are coming to a climax. The evil mastermind will strike soon; even as we speak he extends his reach across the unwary Muggles." He tapped his fingers against the tablecloth. "Constant vigilance!"  
  
Neville stirred his cup. "We've been very professional these past few months, discounting the incident during my bachelor party of course."  
  
Cory shrugged whilst he looked at his watch. "I reckon beer acts strangely on dogs and cats." He motioned to the door. "I'm sorry, but duty calls."  
  


\--

  
  
Having finished her shopping, Susan walked to the café, hoping she'd meet Doctor Draco. She wanted to find out if Harry's pregnancy was coming along fine. On the corner, she espied a black cat on the opposite side of the street, his tail held high, sauntering companionably with a huge dog with pale fur.  
  
Susan shook his head, mumbling, "This is indeed a posh neighbourhood,  even the cats and dogs get along!"  
  


\--

  
  
After coming home from work, Draco went to the laptop to see if there were any new messages. He was hungry and the toffees on a dish on the table looked enticing, but he wisely kept from eating them. He'd heard Harry mumbling dire threats against the twins in his sleep, involving candy retaliation.  
  
"You're early!" shouted Harry from the bedroom.  
  
"Yeah, the internet expert didn't show up. Said a virus deleted his schedule."  
  
Draco opened his email program.  
  
"And your mother?"  
  
Draco smiled craftily. "Sent me an owl. She went back to the Manor. I'll make a Slytherin out of you yet, Harry."  
  
The blond scrolled through his emails, immediately noticing one titled, 'Urgent matter.'  
  
He clicked on it and read the terse message. _'You'd better have your husband checked in case his pregnancy was affected by the bunny interlude. Signed, A concerned friend.'_

 

_**AN:** The furry saga nears the conclusion, as I ferret out facts for the last chapter._

 

 


End file.
